Wednesday, January 30, 2008

My Away Message

OK, so on IM my away message provides some information I feel my friends need to know in order to determine when I will return. For example, I have one which states "Gone to the potty."

I feel this is important. It lets everyone know I will be returning, but it might be a few minutes.

THE WIFE says it is TMI.

BUT, in THE WORLD ACCORDING TO BEN I am not a real man because "Real men don't say potty."

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

To Everything There Is A Season

While perusing my web hits during lunch I found the following quote for the wisest of the wise sages Laurence, who is in tech support as am I.

When a product is end of life'd, death is rarely faced with dignity by the customer.

I find this is true in all sectors (especially telecommunications). We have some systems which have been in and running for more than 20 years. In the lifespan of technology that is like trying to run an airline with the "Wright Flyer" today.

The sad fact of life is telecommunications is the most needed, but completely overlooked asset a company of any size can have. Most telecommunications equipment is in a cramped closet with no environmental control or crammed into the corner of a server room because that was "All the room they had left."

I imagine most of these construction meetings with people standing around going... "OK, have we missed anything? Computers, lights, bathrooms, coffee... phones? Doesn't the phone company take care of that?" So whammo, we get what's left.

Also, power goes out everyone is furious, no lights, nothing happening etc... Water gets shut off, everyone is furious but they get by. Computers crash or the network goes down... well that's to be expected.

But if the phone system goes down. The end of the world is near! BILLIONS OF DOLLARS are being lost EVERY SECOND the system is down.

But you tell them they need a new system because the old one is no longer reliable... NO WAY! FIX IT! I PAID GOOD MONEY FOR THIS BACK IN THE 80s!!!!

Case in point, a hospital (large) has a phone system from the late 80s. Was EOL'd (End Of Life'd) 7 years ago. They call in with errors and problems and ask us to help them fix it. We tell them where we feel the errors are then calmly explain they need a new system. They respond, they can't get the funding. I explain that I understand they can't at this moment, but the system is beginning to fail and that they need to begin getting funding. They respond, they'll just fix it and keep it running. I explain, parts are no longer made for this, software is no longer made for this, all the guys who worked on this are either dead, dying or gathering dust somewhere and it is not a matter of IF but WHEN the system will crash.

The hospital still has the phone system. Be careful where you go for medical aid.

I Feel Like A Small Planet

OK, so last night I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep and I noticed Sadie kept winding up wedged against me. I would push her back to the middle of the bed and a few minutes later she would be wedged right back against me.

Finally I got up and was lifting her to move her when I discovered my body had left an indentation SO LARGE IT LOOKED LIKE A MOON CRATER!


SO now I fear I will wake up and have a small child caught in a crevice or something like Peter from Family Guy.

I am sooooo depressed over this.

On the sick front, almost home clear. We have three kids still showing symptoms (two of which are beginning to whine and fight each other which indicates they are getting better), Lucie is still having a very rough run of it though. We are medicating her with anti-nausea meds to try to keep food and water down her.

Prayers would be appreciated.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Back In The Saddle

OK, I am back in the saddle at work and I have gotten a chance to field a few calls on the system I know instead of the new one. Sweet.

By the way just so I can provide too much information for everyone.

It's nice to walk (not run) to the bathroom.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Family Update!

For everyone's enjoyment!

My bedroom smells like BARF and GOLDFISH CRACKERS!

That is all. Enjoy your weekend.

Doofus Cat

Laurence should enjoy this. My dumbo cat caught on top of my son's bed.


I Am Not Dead Yet

For those of you wondering if I am just lazy, boring or what... I switched to a new department at work and have been going through a big learning curve. I have also spent the last three days either pooping, vomiting or having one of the six other people in my house doing the same. We believe we are going through a round of Rotovirus.

Nasty, nasty stuff.

We are on the upswing, so far Lucie has only thrown up three times this morning and most everyone else is on their feet. I won points with the doctor for losing 9 pounds since my last visit two weeks ago (yea dysentery).

Anyone want me to liveblog the Barf-Fest?

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

A Blog About Nothing

You know, Seinfeld is a genius. Perhaps if I made my blog a blog about nothing, it would flourish.


OK, so what is my blog about? Technical rants, the joys of raising children (and the rewards that come with being puked on), how my wife is a total genius, me trying to be funny.

I don't really see what my roll is in the blogosphere. Should I quit?

HA! Where is the fun in that. This is an opportunity for total strangers to listen to me rip on totally ridiculous subjects. I would go all political, but politics is all opinion anyway and one man's leader is another man's fascist.

Can you tell I am in a humor slump.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Working From Home Today!

THE WIFE and I have to visit our son's school today for a meeting about his Aperger's (yes this would be the same school the FREAK took the little girl from so they better not make me angry). I think to myself, nice quiet day at home... NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

8:10AM Sadie lifts her little head from my pillow, makes a little gagging noise and SPEWS OLD MILK ALL OVER THE BED!

I scream like a little girl and run. Fortunately THE WIFE was there to be the stoic rock of the household.

I did at least pull the sheets off the bed while I whimpered and cried.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Work Observation

My job could be almost completely eliminated if people could do better google searches.

OK, not quite but it seems that way sometimes.

Foul Mood

OK, so no funny at the moment. Sorry.

This weekend our church added a homosexual family as members to the congregation. My wife and I feel very strongly about God's teachings and we have come to the decision we cannot continue on in our church, so after five years (going on six) we will be resigning our membership and changing churches.

The problem we have is with extending membership to people who are living in an ongoing state of sin with no plans to change. The church's stance is to offer them membership to allow them to grow in God's love and learn his teachings in the hope they will follow a Godly path.

The problem is, why change if there is no incentive? They are in a committed relationship and have an adopted child so there are NO plans to change. Offering membership is equivalent to accepting their lifestyle. Unfortunately once you start bending on one thing, it won't be long before you do on others.

I am sure many of my friends will be shocked and probably angry. I fully expect arguments of discrimination and insensitivity, but I have to follow what is right in God's eyes, not the eyes of my friends.

On top of this I show up to work and find the same apathy circle I have dealt with for a while now (people seeing things wrong and not caring because it is not "Their job" to care).

All in all, I just feel a little depressed. Sorry. Hopefully funny stuff will happen that I can share.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Freak In The Neighborhood!

OK, so we have a case where a professional magician freak of nature went to my kids school, got a little girl and took her to his house to do God knows what. The guys name is Daniel Reyes and he is being held in jail on charges of kidnapping.

This is what he looks like.

He lives HERE!

And his contact number is (214)-681-9217. Or feel free to drop him an email at [email protected] and tell him exactly what you think of perverts who mess with kids.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

More Ramblings From Middle Boy

OK, so now that I have sufficiently recovered from my bout with trauma (from being naked in front of my doctor). Why was that traumatic you ask?


Oh my poor saint of a doctor, but I digress.

So anyway, the BOY is making his dinner last night and starts singing to himself.

My little pony,
smells like bologna

So I have my snot/giggle fest and think to myself, "I have to remember that one.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Thank God I Decided To Wear Nice Underwear!

OK, so I have started my new job (which is basically my old job) and I had to take the morning off to get my physical done because I am switching doctors.

I dig my new Doctor, she is a straight shooter who took the time to explain everything (very nice). Things went kind of slow because she spent sooooo much time with me (also nice, I dig the attention). I am quite happy to not be a number and a nuisance to my doc.

Although, once it came time for the old turn and cough it was a little awkward as since she is a SHE, she had to get a nurse to stand with us (so I couldn't come back and say something improper happened).

Of course this leads to trauma because now not only did I have to drop trou in front of one woman who I hardly know I now had to do it in front of TWO WOMEN I HARDLY KNOW!.

OK, so let's just say it wasn't how I imagined it when I was a teenager. I started to ask her to just invite the whole dang staff in, but then I was afraid they might. I survived.

Thank God I decided to wear nice underwear today! Could have been embarrassing, not only to drop trou, but to then have some mangled piece of cloth around my ankles.


Friday, January 11, 2008

I Am Going To Bar-B-Que The Dog

The dog (Dozer the Minpin) is yelping incessantly tonight instead of going to bed. He wants to get out and party. Never mind he went into the back yard and broke out with our other dog Angel to roam the neighborhood.


Would anyone like a minpin? He will b e delicious!

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Traffic Report From Ben

On the drive into work Ben pipes up and says he has heard something on his radio. THE WIFE and I ask what it is and he gives the following traffic report (paraphrased):

"Because of traffic on a road there was a wreck."

So readers, be on the lookout on your drive in for this delay.

That is all.

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

New Job

OK, for those of you keeping track (all three of you), I have taken a new position within the same company. Basically I do the same job, just now my emphasis is on VOIP and the software based PBX instead of the older TDM based proprietary OS systems.

So with that in mind, here is a list of things I have learned in the new support group so far;

1 - When meeting potential customers, "Nanoo Nanoo," is NOT a proper greeting.

2 - Pants are NOT optional.

3 - When shooting rubber bands my new boss DOES mind if I use his forehead for band shots.

4 - I do not work for "Tha Man."

and finally...

5 - A sock puppet does not count as "consulting a peer."

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Blue Tooth Headsets

So, do people who talk on the phone while they take care of business during their time using the potty think they are fooling anyone? Do they believe no one hears the echo chamber, splashes, streams, flushes and grunts as they preform their business transactions?

Guys, are you REALLY that pressed for time?

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Assessing My Stupidity

I have to take an assessment for MCSE at work. I basically sent an email which basically stated, "Assume I am a retard and configure the class as such."

The follow up reply to my email was pretty much, "Mr. Keys, we cannot assume you are a retard, you must prove it to us by taking the assessment. Thank you."