Friday, December 28, 2007

Plot Hole In "The Cat From Outer Space"


OK, so Lucie is enamored with the Disney movie "The Cat From Outer Space" where the cat "Jake" tells Frank (played by Ken Berry) that he comes from a planet where they developed their mind where humans instead developed their physical abilities (paraphrasing).

He is able to focus his mind powers because of his collar he wears, BUT he later tells Frank without his collar is just a regular cat!

So how the heck did they make the collar if they don't have thumbs and they are regular cats without them?

Walt, why do you tease me so????

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Merry Christmas To All

Hey All. I haven't quit blogging, I am just enjoying a little free time with my family. We had a wonderful Christmas with my Dad and Step Mom visiting, so the kids, THE WIFE and I were ecstatic.

I also get to brag that THE WIFE (being the perfect, wonderful woman that she is) got me an upright bass for Christmas. This is something I have wanted for over 15 years, so to say I am stoked is a major understatement.

I will post pictures of my baby soon.

Until then, love your family and hug someone (unless they are calling for tech support, then ridicule them and make them cry. heheheheehe.)

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Holiday Greetings

Per the discussion between THE WIFE and COLLEGEGIRL, I have been very busy with preparations for the holiday season (Festivus included, "I HAVE GOT SOME BEEF TO AIR WITH YOU COLLEGEGIRL!" and I hope to practice "Feats of Strength" with THE WIFE) :-). Because of these things I have neglected my observance of Christmahannukwanzadan (my personal all-inclusive holiday).

Maybe I will begin designing Christmahannukwanzadan cards tonight. It just flows nicely.

Say it together... "Christmahannukwanzadan."

Nice

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Sad, So Sad.

OK, well although many interesting things are happening in my life, I have not spent the time to write about them. I am sorry (to both of my loyal readers).

Right now I am pondering a ticket from someone in our organization which is stating he is not going to troubleshoot the problem we asked him to troubleshoot, instead he wants us to open a bug report.

"OK," I think "What's the bug smart guy?"

There is a reason the company I work for is layered in such a way that not everyone gets to open bug reports (mainly to keep the developers from being buried under a crapload of bad programming which has been deemed a "BUG" by a moron who can't program, but I digress).

Of course, I have adopted the attitude now of, well, since we work for the same company, I will treat you like any co-worker who I think is full of crap, and I will tell you so.

You're so smart, you open the report.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

80's Dork

OK, so we have two dogs. One is s sweet female mutt named Angel. The other is a redheaded Miniature Pincher twerp named Dozer.

Dozer is sweet, but very needy and very DUMB (actually he is very smart but PLAYS DUMB very well).

He is also cold natured so he is ALWAYS trying to burrow into blankets, cuddle up on people or get someone to put a sweater on him.

Which leads to this 80's fashion flashback.


Anyone got a gold medallion to hang around his neck.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Too Much Recognition

I kind of keep work stuff her vague. Mainly because I don't want to offend anyone when I go off on a tear. I like to work in the background on stuff and get it fixed without anyone really knowing who I am.

Case in point the reason why.

I now have come to the attention of someone who is at one of our larger sites. Unfortunately once someone realizes you know what you are doing and will follow thorugh with stuff, they tend to latch on. That's what's going on. So now, even though this guy has a special point of contact in our department and I have my own network I am responsible for, I am running for this guy.

In the long run, it's all good as we are on the same team. In the short run, it's a lot of work for me.

WAH!

Sleepy

Sorry folks... Terrible case of tiredhead this morning. I am drinking lots of coffee and hope to rectify it soon.

Also, I turned in my 100 Word Story this week. I was plagued with writers block and turned in a large steamer of an entry. Forrest Gump is calling Lt. Dan and singing a reworked Cher song to him.

Sorry, it was funny in my head. I got a good giggle out of Laurence's reaction. Zero votes so far, which makes it even funnier for some reason.

Oh well... Hang in the folks. Funny may eventually return.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Kos Insanity

OK, so I see on Digg a link to a DailyKos story about a CIA torture jet which crashed with 4 TONS of cocaine onboard.

(Warning, if you follow the link be prepared for bad language. I am only posting this to show you can't believe everything you read and you need to think for yourself.)

Needless to say they are shocked and cannot figure out why the mainstream press isn't reporting the report from the Mexican authorities. My first response would be that they took a look at how it started out with a 6 tons of cocaine, then it was 4 tons, then it was 3.7 tons, then it was 3.6 tons and finally they hit 3.3 tons (or 6,600 pounds of cocaine).

That, my friends is a LOT of blow. I am genuinely concerned that

1.) Our government would allow the CIA to use federal property to move illegal drugs,
2.) That the CIA would be dumb enough to not put enough fuel into the jet to reach it's destination (causing it to crash, and finally
3.) That the CIA would load 1,144 pounds of cargo over the maximum payload limit of a Gulfstream II jet (reference Wikipedia which I know is not a know all end all source, but a Gulfstream II isn't a real large jet, and 5,456 pounds sounds pretty fair to me, but do your own research, that's my point).

I guess my point is, how many people are out there screaming and yelling about the things they read on the internet and never take five minutes to use the resources available to research things for themselves.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Goofball In Action

OK, so this morning I am taking two of my boys to school (Chris 11 and Ben 9) when Chris pipes out in a British accent:

"Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable as the cement sets around your feet?"

...

Needless to say, my kid throwing out mafia pleasantries was odd. It was especially odd to find the Mob wants you to be comfy before you get WHACKED!

Who knew?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

What Was She Thinking?

What do cats think as you are stepping over them as you come down the stairs?

"Oh my goodness! He is going to step on me! Let me escape by RUNNING UNDER HIS FEET!!!"

Fortunately Nancy survived, although PETA may be after me because I saved her life by booting her out of the "Danger Zone."

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't grow up to be a recluse.

Time For A Flat Tire

Just investigated the noises coming from outside and noticed our neighbor is tearing down his carport.

They are throwing all the old scraps onto a trailer which was probably backed across my driveway and through my yard to get to his carport.

The carport by the alley we have to drive down to get to the main road.

OK, so in the comments, leave a guess on the first flat tire and I'll work up some amazing prize to mail out to the winner. (If no one participates, I will be forced to club a baby seal... or something like that.)

The Most Unused Page at Microsoft!

Thank you Digg for the Giggle of my morning...

Here it is, "The Most Unused Page at Microsoft."


I feel better now.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Working From Home

Well, I'll be working from home for a couple of days this week. My wife is watching a friends baby and Lucie is sick, so she is up here with me watching "The Little Mermaid" while I look through paperwork.

But to give you an idea of my day.

I was taking her to go potty this morning when I smacked my left shoulder into the door frame slamming the door into the bathroom wall.

I apologized to Lucie and told her, "Sometimes daddy forgets how big he is."

Lucie replied with wide-eyed childish wonder, "Yeah Daddy, you're HUMONGOUS."

Thanks baby.

Friday, December 07, 2007

I Told You She Was Dangerous!

I got this IM from THE WIFE:

(11:38:47 AM) Jen: Boo scratched lucie's forhead after that, and now she is crying for a bandaid, and I can't even see where it is, and she is also lecturing boo about how that was a bad decision.
(11:38:51 AM) Jen: UGH.
(11:38:54 AM) Jen: Drama

I told you. A DEATHDEALER she is!


Although lecturing a cat about cranial evisceration being a bad idea is WAAAAAAYYYYY too funny.

Excitement

You know its a bad thing when you are helping a guy work on a site that is your responsibility and you do something that makes one of their nodes lose dial tone for several seconds. (At least I assume I did, it happened around the same time).

Oh well, nothing to do but grin and bear it. We didn't do anything that SHOULD have caused a problem, but hey, that is why we have what is known as "Pucker Factor."

For those of you who are not technically minded and need an explanation of "Pucker Factor," just leave a comment with your email address and I will personally email you a definition.

Time to record my 100 word story.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Life In Tornado Alley

OK, so when you live in "Tornado Alley" you have to get used to some things. One example is when the weather is bad we have tornado sirens which go off to warn you when a tornado is on it's way.

The tornado sirens get tested on the first Wednesday of ever month. Well, my illustrious cable company is having network problems so the TV was off and THE WIFE did not have any music going when the test commenced today.

The sirens built in intensity sending my 2 year old Sadie running through the house screaming, "Momma, Momma, it's a TOMOATO!"

The things I miss by having to work for a living.

Friday, November 30, 2007

One Book I AIN'T Reading!


I think this speaks for itself.

An Open Apology

Sorry for the lack of funny lately. I had to travel to Chicago and I have been buried in work lately.

Additional responsibilities, same pay. BUT, at least I am more indispensable to "The Company."

Well see. I will try to be funny later... no promises.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Frustra-TION

OK, so Cajun man could relate.

Allright, job is slowly wearing me down. Sucking the life from my veins.

Maybe I should move to Sales, but would that cost me my soul?

Friday, November 23, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all. Be sure to count your blessings and remember that no matter how messed up America gets, we are still blessed to live in a country where we have our freedoms.

Also, remember and PRAY FOR our troops. They are away from their families so we may be with ours. Thank a soldier, sailor, airman or marine for their service.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Trapped In The Potty! (Part IV Escape!)

Jenny raised a good question when she asked about what I was eating and drinking while trapped in the potty. While I was enjoying a never ending supply of cool fresh water from the top tank of the toilet (TOP TANK PEOPLE< THAT IS PRE-POTTY WATER!) I had no sustainable food supply.

With the WIFE and children being too chicken to come to may aide and COLLEGEGIRL busy translating Greek scrolls into Latin Mass, I was left to my own devices. This was also compounded by the fact my laptop battery was going dead after three days of surfing the web on the throne, I hit on an idea.

I went to Pizza Hut online and ordered a pizza for delivery (Veggie Lovers with an order of wings. Cajun, those are my favorite... sorry, I digress).

When the delivery was made... well...


I escaped at least, but at what price? At what price indeed?

Am I a bad person? Desperate situations call for desperate actions.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Trapped In The Potty (Part III)

OK, so I am into day two and all I have is my laptop and the view of the slashing claws of my cat to keep me company. It seems no one is taking me seriously. My emails go unanswered and my calls are not returned.

My boss was nice enough to let me work from home.

I keep calling my home begging for help, but my family is too afraid to come close to the bathroom door (apparently it isn't the cat they are afraid of).

I have a plan to get free from my porcelain prison, but will my soul survive?

But the alternative...
Certain Death!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Trapped In The Potty (Part II)

Help!

Still trapped in the potty.

I can hear the rumbling purr of the furry beast outside my door as she waits to drink the warm blood from my veins.

Evil, pure evil.

I should have bought a dog.

Someone come help me! Please!

Jenny Is Going To Get Me Killed!

Jenny wrote a blog post HERE where she threatened one of God's loving creatures with De-Toement.

Needless to say, my cat Boo found out and tried to disembowel me this morning. I had to run and lock myself in the bathroom.

FILTHY BIPED!
Filthy Biped!


Can someone please come to my house and give her kitty treats and distract her so I can escape the potty with my laptop.

I am scared. Very scared.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Christmas Observation

The WIFE gets the Christmas Blahs around the Holidays. It came early this year as Thanksgiving has been completely skipped from the holiday schedule by the stores.

WIFE - I hate this. I hate Christmas, BAH HUMBUG!

Me - Christmas isn't too bad. We just need to get into the spirit.

WIFE - I just went to Kroger and they have all their decorations out. It looks like Christmas threw up.

Me - "Looks like Christmas threw up." That's great! Can I blog about that?

What can I say? I have no shame. I steal the best from everyone.

Why Do I Bother?

So as I struggle to make a system I will be supporting at the begining of next year work, I listen to a Director and Manager argue about who is "Cool" and had the best taste in "80s Music." These are management guys with degrees who are "Going places."

Why do I ever worry about losing my job?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

New Banner

What do you all think about the new banner? Should I go with this, or try something new?

I like my Darth Tater I drew, but I am not sure how to work him in to the design.

Monday, November 12, 2007

The End Of My Roadblogging Adenture

The return flight from my Road Trip was non-eventful; the PBX cut went so well I hopped an earlier flight to DFW as all of the Hospitality functions were working, and the techs were just running down little things here and there.

Besides, how uneasy can you feel when THIS smiling face shines down on you.


I feel tingly all over.

No Shame

So I let everyone know that through the strangest of coincidences a guy who works on the same PBX I do happened to be at the hotel I was helping cut over in Norfolk. He was nice enough to offer to bail me out if I got stuck on something (like my ego would EVER let that happen).

What do I get in response?


You guys are sooooo mean!

Virginia License Plate P-I-M-P!


Oh, If only I could have this sweet ride! I've always wanted a sedan with MONSTER TRUCK TIRES!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I Did It!




OK, so it's not Extreme Pogo Sticking, but not everyone can be as cool as MOM!

Monday, November 05, 2007

Road Blogging

You all will notice some oddball posts (more odd than usual that is as I am on the road this week in lovely Virginia. I don’t mind too terribly being on the road, but it really disrupts my family, so I will use this to also remove a lot of the glamor of the life of a “Road Warrior.”

Observation Number One – DFW can be very, very, very crowded. I was not particularly pleased when I checked in at the ticket counter and proceeded to security to get screened and found the line backed up around the corner and down the walkway to the next section of Terminal A.

As I stood mouth agape and pondering if arriving two hours early was enough time to catch my flight, I heard an ever so helpful security screener call out, “No waiting at Gate A-12.”

Bingo. All the patrons of Terminal A were treated to the sight of a fat guy in glasses trotting at a brisk pace to gate A-12 with his Mullet blowing in the breeze. I am not stupid, I know security runs about 50% on accuracy as far as the wait time, but I figured it was worth a shot.

Lucky me I arrive at A-12 and find a very short wait and pulling my driver’s license out I fall into line behind a tall bald fellow. With the short wait I am in a very chipper mood and begin to think “What a nice day.”

It’s such a nice day I don’t even get annoyed when the nice bald man has some confusion over his driver’s license and ticket having different names (I guess maybe one of them had his maiden name). I even try to joke with an obviously harried mom who is trying to get her stress bomb four year old through security.

(Note to self, Commit crime, get thrown in Federal prison with Richard Reed so I can punch that moron in the nose.)

Observation Number Two – Dear Mister Guy Talking On The Cell Phone In The Bathroom, we can hear you.

All of us. You are not invisible (or inaudible) as you have the argument on the cell phone with your kid on the other end of the line. Honestly, I felt as uncomfortable as the time I asked Alec Baldwin to babysit.

Observation Number Three - One of the flight attendants looked a lot like Divine from the movie "Hairspray."

Color me afraid.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Potty Time!

If you go to the potty and the person in the stall next to you is making enough noise to make you think there is a Greco-Roman wrestling match going on over there, perhaps you should introduce your stall-neighbor to the miracle of fiber.

Just a thought.

Halloween Hijinks

My two favorite women (The WIFE and COLLEGEGIRL) donned their matching ninja outfits with their cheerleader names on them. I had to get a picture to put up here.


Be warned, do NOT call EITHER of them by these names if you want to live. It's one of the rules from the WIFE's Owner's Manual.

In Case Of Emergency!

OK, so lets pretend you have an old ticket you don't know about. You forgot about it and get a bench warrant issued for your arrest for failure to pay. Lets pretend you get pulled over for speeding and the next thing you know you are spread across the hood of a squad car and on your way to lockup for it.

Lets also assume you are an active member of church and unfortunately for you, your church finds out about it.

So you show up for choir rehearsal to find this under your chair.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

2nd Amendment Poster?

I built a startpage for Firefox on my laptop which has my frequently used web pages.

I was looking at it today and I began to wonder about the similarities in the poses between Jenny (on the left) and SarahK (on the right... and I do mean THE RIGHT!).


Did my subconscious build a monument to the 2nd amendment here?

The Dethroning Of A Hero

OK, I have been a Jason Witten fan since he was a Tight End for the University of Tennessee Volunteers (number 1 sure looked tiny on him, but I digress) and it was with great rejoicing I discovered the Cowboys picked him. I finally had a reason to root for the Cowboys (as until this point my utter contempt for Jerry Jones, Dave Campo and Rowdy fueled my hatred of the Cowboys), they now had The Big Tuna AND Jason Witten!

I have been pulled more and more toward being a cowboy fan. Over the last two years I gave in and root for them (this year I bought my first Cowboys shirt to wear at work). I planned on buying Witten's jersey and flying the old number 82, but after seeing THIS AD I don't know anymore...


Jason... PICKLE JUICE!?!

Adventures With Blogger

As both of my loyal readers have no doubt seen, the blog went through some exciting (not) changes over the weekend and is now back to normal(?). Blogger was offering some new layouts, which I tried, but unfortunately all the content I had written in HTML would not drop into the template and parse correctly.

Lets just say I was less than impressed.

So here was are, back to the same old same old.

If anyone has suggestions for what they would like to see, drop me a line. Otherwise, I don't know what I will try next.

Friday, October 26, 2007

WARNING - Tech Stuff Ahead!

This will only be funny if you are a VOIP geek, so be aware.

Guys posts a ticket complaining his soft phone works fine in the house network (LAN), but when he goes home and tries to connect over the Internet it doesn't work. He says he is sure they have the firewall off at work (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!... Ahem, sorry) so what could be the problem?

I want to pull the ticket and say "The Internet." Would that be wrong?

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

The McLean Children

Eric Gillian McLean
Ian Grant McLean

I am writing this and will permalink it on the front until Eric finds his kids.

Eric found out in October his wife had taken the children and left the state with them. This is after she was fired from a teaching job after making inappropriate contact with a student(s). Not to mention she occasionally had one of the boys call to throw the kid's mom off that it was her. It is also after she checked herself out of a mental institution. I would also like to point out she tried to kill herself earlier this year.

But, she has custody of the kids so the cops won't do anything. even though her family is concerned and thinks she should not have the kids right now.

If you see the kids anywhere, please email me at houstonkeys(at)gmail.com. I will respond back and forward your information to the family for follow up. She is believed to be in California although that may not be accurate. Any information may be helpful, so please if you have a lead, let us know.

I make no bones about where I stand with Erin and Eric, but the kids come first. I do NOT think Erin has their best interest in mind.

Maybe I Should Go Into Politics

Here at work we are watching some co-workers playing a political game. I warned my boss to be on the lookout because I smell a big fat rat headed our way (of course I am paranoid so it's hard to take me seriously).

We'll see what happens. Regardless, if not here I will work elsewhere. To borrow line from the "Dark Tower" series from Stephen King, "There are other worlds than this one."

There are other jobs than this one also. I don't want to leave, but I have a feeling the door is getting shut against my will regardless.

Oh well. Anyone need a Telecommunications Specialist?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Bold Prediction!

OK so someone (Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson or perhaps Spike Lee or some actor straight from rehab) will make some news soon about how there is no panic and there are supplies and peace at the football stadium where fire evacuees are sheltering as opposed to the panic and disorganization at the Superdome.

I'm sure it has nothing to do with preparedness of officials or anything like that.

Back Seat Driver

As I am driving in to work today my family and I get caught in the normal Dallas traffic. While we sit in the bumper to bumper crawl of nothingness I hear a tiny three year old voice from the backseat saying "What are you DOING there Truck?"

I giggle. My wife says "Looks like we have a little backseat driver with us. I think she got that from me though, if she got it from you it would not have been as nice."

"Wow," I think to myself. "Imagine my little girl in the backseat yelling out, 'Hey buddy! Are you dead from the neck up or what!?"

Monday, October 22, 2007

The A-Team

OK, so I think I found some contraption the A-Team built for a client. I especially like the corrugated steel in the back windows (and the air conditioner).


I expected B.A. to jump out and yell, "Stop with all this JIBBER-JABBER! I pity the fool who thinks I'm going to fly!"

Thursday, October 18, 2007

My Favorite Cellphone Setting

I LOVE my Razor! It's like it was made for me!

Rules of Andrewball

My oldest son has a game he plays with his brothers and sisters that we call Andrewball. Basically it is a game where he changes the rules non-stop until he wins.

I have decided to post the rules so you all can play along on your home version of the game of Andrewball.

-Rule-

Andrewball never ends, you are always playing Andrewball if you have begun playing Andrewball.

Until Andrew decides he is done.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Exercise In Pain!

OK so Jenny had a post here discussing the usage of bandaids to give the illusion of "Lift," which naturally made me question what she was talking about. Well, unfortunately she gave me step by step instructions... which I followed. I thought I would share my PAIN with all of you.



Step 1:
Get a roll of tape. She recommended scotch tape, but she's a GIRL, so what does she know about tape? I went with MANLY TAPE. DUCT TAPE!


Step 2:
Get me. I am large, oddly proportioned and GRUMPY.
I am a perfect test candidate.



Step 3:
Get me naked.
Oddly enough, this isn't as hard as it would seem to be, or so my wife says.
(I would like to point out, since this blog is rated PG, I am sparing you the worst of the view.)


Step 4:
Apply the tape. This is to give the appearance of "Lift." I don't know about "Lift." Uncomfortable yes, humiliated yes, "Lift" no.


Step 5:
Give up on the whole thing and remove the tape. I opted for a quick yank to reduce pain, however I failed to take into account the large amounts of flesh I would surrender in the process.

In conclusion:
This was a very, very bad idea. I have a new respect for Jenny, as well as for all Brazilians.

This Sums Up How I Feel

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table...everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. T hey would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be...quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see..... our government gives out free food, subsidized housing , free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands.
Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to "press one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than " Old Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.. If you agree, pass it on; if not, continue cleaning up the poop!

Author unknown

------------------------------------

As a postscript: I got this via email, BUT especially considering the problems we are having getting our school system to take our child seriously.

No problem getting himinto a ESL class though.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Another Day At Home

The wife or (to shamelessly steal from Ellison) "She Who Must Be Obeyed" was feeling puny again today so I called in to work.

I managed to infuriate my beloved before we even got the kids off to school.

It is offical, from now on I have to help her out by going to work when she is sick.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Have a Cigar!

Laurence had a post about the rash of artists suing their record companies and/or dumping them to strike out on their (Trent Reznor). So as someone who years ago was trying to "Make It" as a musician and now knows people who are part time musicians who are still trying to "Make It" I would like to present a less than flattering picture of the music industry.

Lets say you get signed to a wonderful deal and get 10% royalties on albums sold. And to keep the math easy lets say the record company makes $10 profit on each album (of which you pull your 10%). So if you sell a 100,000 albums the total profit is $1,000,000. The band gets to keep 10% or $100,000.00 (roughly a buck and album).

Not bad you say. BUT, be sure to keep in mind you probably have four people in the band (or more) so you are looking at $25,000 dollars each (before taxes). Please remember we are keeping the math simple, usually royalties are split differently among the members of the band based on their contributions to the songs on the album.

Also, please keep in mind, the record company puts the money up front to record, produce, promote and distribute the album and God forbid they actually run the risk of LOSING money, so it is written into contracts that the artist begins getting checks AFTER all the outstanding bills from the recording. So out of that cool million bucks you have an even smaller pile to pull from for an artist.

So, this is a LONG way of saying unless you are a superstar like Madonna, ZZ Top (OK so superstar is a stretch here), Michael Jackson (giggle) etc... You probably will die penniless and insane (like a tech support guy).

This is why I have NO sympathy for record companies in their lawsuits. Whether is is for RIAA suits or an artist sueing them. Artist are much better off desiging their own stuff, recording it themselves and selling it on the web. Unless you have a fabulous deal and sell in excess of 500,000 copies, you are living in lower-upper-class status.

Any other musician/record company horror stories out there. If anyone would like to know, I will be happy to name names (I have no shame).

Friday, October 12, 2007

Justin of "Justin's Random Thoughts"

OK, so I finally got around to adding Justin to my blogroll. He is a very talented person who was nice enough to send me a decent graphic to link to his blog with (thanks again Justin). My my tens of readers be nice to you.

I say that because he is a talented writer as well as he found a way to make me root for the Texans.

Please win this week guys...

Please... Pretty please...

Love Your Dog Today

I just have to say. Wizbang Pop had this story about a dog who saves his family from a fire,


started by a cat.


So love your dog, and kick your cat.

(Just kidding)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Whine With My Cheese

OK, I am a little depressed and frustrated with being a Dad right now. Basically I stink at the job.

Oldest boy is so smart and has so much potential but tries so very little. He reminds me of me when I was his age. I hated Math (I hated most things I couldn't excel at which is also very similar to boy number 2) and found school boring and pointless. I had some teachers who were good who could get my interest, but a lot of them were going through the motions (it was a job and not a passion any longer). He can do so much when he tries.

Third boy is having problems in school related to Aspergers. We have told the school and told the school and met with people and the wife has called and called administrators. We are mired in a paperwork bureaucracy.

Working for a large company has taught me how the game is played. If you don't want to do something you make LOTS and LOTS of paperwork for people to go through to get something done. Then even if the paperwork gets done and you aren't doing anything, you can shuffle paper from point A to point B and make it appear as if you ARE doing something. Not to mention, the more paperwork, the better the chance for an error in the paperwork and an easy out for you.

That is where we are with Ben.

We are fighting through his meltdowns and trying to keep him going and get him caught up on his work, but he is falling further and further behind. So I think a change is in order. We are going to have to reduce some of this time on homework (don't know how yet, I'm on a roll here though, so don't bother me with details). Kid HAS to have some down time. He's not sleeping well, he works on schoolwork from the minute he gets in until bedtimes. It isn't healthy.

On a side note, my back is killing me. My life has become a circle of back pain, and painkillers trying to find relief. Fighting with the kids doesn't help.

Prayers are appreciated.

Turkey Recalls Ambassador

Turkey recalled it's ambassador today.


I wonder if he is defective like all the junk from China?

Monday, October 08, 2007

Puppy Grows and Knows Your Name


OK, this thing scared me to death. Finally a puppy that grows before your eyes. It goes from a little puppy to a full grown dog in the space of several days.

OK, this creeps me out... A lot.

I mean, I want my puppy to be a puppy (especially if I am buying a toy). It growing up leads to it growing old which leads to...

THE BIG DIRT NAP!


I am not looking forward to having to explain that one to my kids. We have real pets we have to do that with. Unless...

Maybe that is what we can do with this. We can set up a way for a toy dog to teach the facts of life and death. I will call it...

"Puppy Kicks the Bucket!"

Maybe it could pop off in a variety of ways. Antifreeze, worms, explosive diarrhea. The sky's the limit.

Friday, October 05, 2007

SARS Alert!!!!

I am all scratchy throated and annoyed...

Thanks John. Spreading your cold from sea to shining sea.

I would also like to thank my buddy Mike from England. I always wondered what the bird flu felt like. Now I know.

I shall have my revenge upon you two!

Monday, October 01, 2007

Sorry, Nothing Funny Here

Sorry folks. I have been a bit preoccupied. I am in Chicago taking a class on a great server based phone system and I am digging it.

I miss the wife and kids, so I am looking forward to getting home soon. Until then I am making the most of things. I would post pictures, but... there, really isn't anything to take pictures of.

You see downtown Chicago is great and has lots to see. The suburbs are very very nice, but not very exciting. I like them though, just not the traffic.

Anything exciting happens (other than the excruciating pain I have in my back right now) and I'll let you know. Until then, love one another.

Jen I love you.

Friday, September 28, 2007

The Genius of I.T.

Well IT blocked our Meebo access so we all have to use the IM client of our choice and allow the company to monitor our conversations. I wouldn't mind BUT they can't get the monitoring right, so it is pretty much up to God's grace to get you logged in.

Googletalk doesn't work
Pidgin doesn't work

I finally gave up and went back to Yahoo Messenger to discover they also blocked our access to messenger.yahoo.com so we couldn't even download the client. I had a buddy outside the wall send it to me. I then had to undock and work, then redock my laptop and...

I can't log in to Yahoo.

So not only have we been effectively blocked from defrauding the company, but we also cannot communicate between ourselves for support. Very effective.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Maybe It's Just Me

OK, let me try to put this in a way a layperson can understand. For this scenario I am a mechanic and you are an operator of a car.

You bring your car to me and tell me it keeps running off the road. You are driving along great and suddenly, BLAMMO! the driver side front wheel flies off and the car runs out of control into the median!

You get out find the wheel and put it back on the car and drive the car to me.

Wow! I say. This is crazy, the wheel flew off? So I take a look and realize that on the driver's side front wheel there are NO LUG NUTS!

I tell you, oh man, here is your problem. You do not have any lug nuts on that front wheel. You should get some and put on there.

You say OK, you think you have some laying around and you'll do that. We then go our separate ways.

You call me a month later and tell me the same thing happened BLAMMO the Wheel flew off again causing you to lose control and your wife is pretty P.O.'d at you because you didn't fix the car.

Wow! I am amazed this happened again. You then point out that you still do not have lug nuts on the front wheel.

I tell you then your wheel will continue to come off. Why haven't you fixed it? You tell me something about your car being old and you don't have any spare ones and they don't make any of the old ones any more.

I tell you to get a new car or find someone who sells the old lug nuts.

We go our separate ways, but every time you wheel flies off you call me to ask what you should do.

Is this justifiable homicide?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Wens At Home

Well I worked from home today because the wife and i had a meeting with Ben's teacher. This is the first meeting as part of his evaluation to determine how to handle his Asperger's Syndrome.

Following advice from a friend of ours we were determined to remain positive and sympathetic to the teacher and school. REALITY IS: the teacher is set in her ways and has labeled our kid as "Bad." Unfortunately for Ben the kids in his class has picked up on that.

The meeting began well enough with Ben's teacher meeting us in the principal's office. We discussed how much trouble she has in class with him. We in turn discussed how we work at home with him (praying the whole time they would have the good sense to admit they don't know what they are dealing with).

They didn't.

We have a school who doesn't understand how he thinks and is so mired in following procedure they will be doing paperwork until the end of time if we don't keep gently pushing them along.

(sigh)

EDIT -------

Due to a possible misunderstanding I am removing the poor joke I made yesterday. I want it to be perfectly clear, I do NOT think the teacher is bad, just uninformed.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

A Moment In Time

Jenny threw out a good idea. Her thought was how she is affected by such random things in photographs and how they make her feel. She sugegsted we send her our pictures and stories.

Here is mine:



This is my baby girl Sadie. She is the youngest of five kids and a sweet little girl. She always has a smile for me and is a snuggle bunny.

I thought I would always have my hairy legged boys (who I love) but when I got little girls I thought my heart would melt. This picture was taken by me with her asleep on my belly. As I have grown older I have learned to appreciate the little moments, a tiny hand holding mine, reading a book, talking about military tactics (that's with Christopher) and smelling little girl hair while they sit in my lap.

My wife has given me the thing I treasure most, all our children. Thank you Jen.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Don't Mess With the Chuck!

Chuck Norris tracked down the man who is responsible for starting the fad of "Chuck Norris" jokes which have populated the internet.

A Man About To Die!

Unfortunately the man died soon after this picture was taken.

Note the glee on Chuck's face.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Another Sports Contraversy!

OK, I have discovered some disturbing evidence about everyone's FAVORITE quarterback Peyton Manning. We all revel in his squeaky clean image, but disturbingly he is more sinister than even Michael Vick.

Michael Vick was involved in dogfighting, but look at the latest product sporting Manning's image.

Peyton Manning Dog Biscuits

Looks good and wholesome right? Look Closer.

Notice anything?

OH THE HUMANITY!


That's right! Made with REAL DOGS! How disgusting can one human being get?

Thursday, September 20, 2007

My Troll Like Proportions

OK, I am seriously thinking I am a freak or something. I am ALL TORSO. I have been checking it out and I am like a cross between Shrek and a dwarf, only 6' tall.

Look at the evidence...


Artist illustration. Not actual photgraph.

As you can see from the illustration, I am freakishly out of proportion. I need to sew two shirts together end to end to cover my freakish abdomen. I also HAVE TINY LEGS! This is not fair. I can't run from danger... I am like a penguin without the tux. Just label me victim and let me get my wallet out to hand to you Mr. Robber.

IS THERE A CURE???

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Hooray for Me!

OK, so after yesterday's lunchtime debacle, I decided my wife is right. When I take lunch, I am at lunch. I usually eat at my desk where I can work on other technical things, so I need to POLITELY tell folks, I am at lunch and I will happily help them afterwards.

Ringer Mute is activated on my phone. I refuse to check the call queue until lunchtime is over (or course I have a test I am running this morning anyway, so the queue is secondary, but I still get paranoid about it).

I will be working on honing my CSS skills. I need to work out my STYLESHEETS baby!

HA! Another email into the ether of the AFTER LUNCH queue!

This is quite nice.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Lunchtime

YOu know, I usually try to do productive things at my desk during lunchtime. One thing I often do is catch up on my news blogs or work on my church's webpage.

I am a little frustrated though, because regardless of if I am stuffing food in my mouth, working on something or whatever, everyone comes over and starts barraging me with questions.

Today it was one of the supervisors here at work. He brings over one of his other guys, asks me, "What PBX is extension 1990 in in this network?" I modem in and tell him 1990 doesn't exist. He then calls the engineer from his group, draws the whole thing out on my whiteboard while I have to get the call flow information.

Nice lunch huh?

Wonder what time HE is going to lunch. I think I'll be calling him. Better yet, I'll call him tonight at 4:00 AM and ask him if he's awake.

Don't Mess With the Police


OK, so lets say you are a jounalism student who REALLY REALLY REALLY wants to ask a question. When the police tell you to stop and leave. It's time to leave or else you might get tazered.

Work to the wise. Being a moonbat and screaming "What have I done? What I have I done? Get away from me. Get off of me! What did I do? ... Help me! Help." won't deter the police when you resist arrest. The comments of the other students such as, "It's a perfect example of when officers take something to a level that is not necessary," he said. "The officers escalated that situation." is crap.

THE GOOFBALL BEING ARRESTED ESCALATED THE SITUATION! When the police are arresting you, YOU DO NOT RESIST!

This is why Darwin was wrong. People like this should have been weeded out by natural selection a long time ago.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Four Letter Words

OK. I am admittedly childish and have a love of potty humor, but I try very hard to keep this blog relatively clean. I want it to be something funny, without having to resort to filth to be so. My kids, wife, friends (some from church) read it and I am proud of it because for the most part I succeed.

Sally Field is in the news because people are making a big deal out of her being censored during the Emmy's. Me personally I couldn't care less. If you cannot string together a coherent though process without taking God's name in vain or dropping an F Bomb on TV, then you need to be censored (by the way, this isn't like Fox is censoring her free speech, you can't say that even if you are Ann Coulter).

Part of the reason I cannot listen to the left is because so much of what they do is personal attacks (yes I know Ann Coulter does that too, how many others do?), foul language and surface arguments (meaning they make sense until you sit down and think about them for an hour or so). Ease up on the emotion and think logically. Listen to something other than everyone spewing what you agree with. That is what I did and I was CONVERTED from a hardcore Democrat to a conservative. I couldn't argue with the logic.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Old Dog, Old Tricks

OK, for those of you keeping score at home on Eric's case. There are new developments involving Eric's wife Erin.

Turns out she might have been chasing another student after getting a job teaching in Nashville. Turns out she kind of omitted the part about having an affair with a former student on her resume. She also applied for her job using her maiden name.

Please pray for Eric's kids as they are with this woman while everything gets sorted out. No matter where you stand on this, the kids need to be everyone's main concern.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Day at Home

Wife wakes up with a case of the Funky Creeping Crud, so I am staying home to help her with the girls and housework.

Of course she is much more effective without my "Help." I believe my beloved feels I take the day off just so I can observe and contribute to her misery.

I don't... Really! I don't!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Super Bowl Halftime Show!

Mister Vick and his puppy!

It's almost enough to make me pull for the Falcons!


UPDATE:

Thanks to Justin from Justin's Random Thoughts who pointed out this has been used at Deadspin for a while now.

Got to give credit where credit is due, you know?

Ear Hair

Like eyebrow hair, as men grow older ear hair grows longer, thicker and more prevalent. Since ear hair is used to help keep bugs out of our ears, does this mean we should fear larger bugs as we grow older?

Networking Example

Saying you can't ping an IP address across the network is like complaining to Ford that you can't cross a river because the bridge is out.

Hint hint. Don't call me when your network is broken so you can't get your IP phones to work. If your description starts with "We changed a Cisco..." chances are VERY high it is NOT my problem.

(It's a metaphor people.)

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Never Ending Adventure

OK, so after my fun road trip, I am STILL working on a solution. Turns out we will not support the configuration they have (unfortunately it is the one we SOLD them) so I am trying a bunch of work arounds.

I am so tired. Things otherwise are good. COLLEGEGIRL came over the other night and we had a Balderdash-a-thon until I passed out at 1AM. I guess I am a long way from 19.

So anyway. No great fun. Nothing exciting. Nothing.

Rather dull actually...

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Freaky Ghost Video

OK, so my close friends know I am interested in the paranormal and love shows like Ghosthunters. So when I saw this video I totally freaked out.

I guess it could be fake, but who knows. You be the judge.


http://view.break.com/312640 - Watch more free videos

Jeeze Sorry Folks

OK folks. Sorry I haven't been blogging lately. I have been shipped out of town to fix a problem which appears to be beyond my control. Sadly it is not fixed and my engineering above me is taking their sweet time.

So I am back in Dallas now. On call. Of course I was called first thing this morning by a guy with a system down (one we don't make anymore). The first time he calls he doesn't have power. The second time he has power, but his switch keeps crashing (I got him stabilized and said "You've got some bad cards you will have to work to find". The third time the switch is periodically crashing and he is trying to track down the alarms (power alarms for the bad cards).

UGH.

But anyway. I'm bad. My Vols lost the season opener. All in all, I am generally annoyed.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Tech Haiku

The phone rings loudly.
You did not call to say hi?
You don't like me now?

Friday, August 24, 2007

Michael Vick Isn't So Evil

TTFTM News is reporting evidence of an evil "Elk Fighting Ring" has been discovered. TTFTM has it on good authority that famed quarterback Brett Farve is involved.

Here is PROOF!



Spokemen for the NAAGBP (National Association for Green Bay Packers) spokes man Mr. Black was quoted as saying, "Thousands of flys are killed each year, why isn't anyone reporting that?"

Surely more to follow.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Uselessness of the NAACP

Michael Vick
OK, so CNN is running a story about how the NAACP believes Michael Vick deserves a "Chance to redeem himself." Apparently the fact that he was involved in the brutal, violent and sub-human practice of dog fighting doesn't really matter because the spokesman doesn't think dogfighting is all that bad.

Mister White (giggle)
White also said he didn't understand the uproar over dogfighting, when hunting deer and other animals is perfectly acceptable.

WHAT???

OK so now shooting and killing a deer is the same as starving and torturing dogs to get them to fight to the death (or until they are maimed so badly they can't fight anymore). If Vick had gone out and shot a dog (or even dogs) I might let it slide (don't think I support that), but this is just ridiculous rambling and the fact that the spokesman made the argument is detestable.

Of course I MUST point out that the spokesman for the NAACP is named Mr. White (giggle).

The full story can be found here.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Air Conditioning a MUST!

OK, so I took about a half a day off today and worked from home. My air was periodically going out and as the weekend progressed the problem got worse, culminating in total failure this afternoon.

The wife and I had been going back and forth this morning on whether to call the warranty company as the outside unit is still under warranty, BUT we still have to pay a service charge. If we go through the warranty company it's 50 bucks, BUT we are at the mercy of them as far as who they send (such as fly by night air conditioning who they sent last year). The warranty company seems to send the companies who will declare a maintenance issue so the warranty company will decline to cover it.

So, we decided to tough it out and try it ourselves. We researched on the web (thank God for google) and found a guy in Plano who had the EXACT same issue as we were having. I started with replacing the capacitor ($13) but the air conditioner failed again later, so I then moved to the fan motor ($69). So far, it has been running for about three hours during the hottest part of the day.

Hope for the best.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Meanwile Back at the Ranch

A while back I blogged about how I HATE being lied to. Anyway, in a continuation of that, I fixed the dryer myself. Turns out it was not the heating element (DUH, we knew that). It was the thermal fuse. So off to Sear Parts store I go and $25 later I have a running dryer.

Advice to anyone, use Google before you trust the guys coming out to work on your stuff. We used to be at their mercy, but no more. The internet empowers us.

Thank you Al Gore!


So next adventure is my outside compressor fan is stopping after it runs for a couple of hours. Shut off the unit for 10 minutes and it runs again for a couple of hours. A survey of the internet points to a bad capacitor and/or a bad fan, with the audience leaning toward capacitor.

I'll take the thing apart tomorrow and see.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Fake Picture Haiku


This story Laurence posted about inspired a new Haiku (non tech support).

These bullets suck bad.
They do not shoot at the troops.
I am so ticked off!

Eyebrow Hair

Why is it as we men grow older, our eyebrow hair increases in density, length and decides to grow in wild random directions?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Toilet Seat Covers

Does anyone really think the little paper covers you put over a toilet seat protect you from germs?

If not, why do we still use them?

New Company Website!

Get a message from corporate that we have a new INTRA-NET web site for communications and information. Email includes a link that doesn't work. Try different variations of the url doesn't work.

I am impressed.

Funny I managed to get MY INTRA-NET server for my department running without a bunch of letters after MY name.

(giggle)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

It Cost HOW MUCH?!?!

OK, so this is the MOST RIDICULOUS thing I have seen yet. Behold The Frankenstein.

This is the guitar Eddie Van Halen and Fender made together replicating his original guitar he used for years and had quit playing in the '90s (when he had Ernie Ball make his guitars) because it was a "Piece of crap."

You can go to Musician's Friend to buy it here. You can also read the reviews of people who already bought or know someone who bought it like this guys who says;
I know a guy who's nuts about Eddie, and he bought this guitar. He regrets it, and I mock him for it (I've also played it). The thing looks and feels like it's going to fall apart. If you're looking for a cool conversation-piece, then it's alright...but I wouldn't recommend playing it. Basically, it's a really accurate replica of a piece of crap. You can buy much nicer sculptures for a LOT less cash...or get a car... Just don't get this.

Yes... IT IS A REPLICA OF A PIECE OF CRAP! It is a $25,000 dollar guitar made to look and feel like a $150 guitar made by a 19 year old kid who didn't know what he is doing. As I told a friend "I already own a piece of crap guitar, I don't need to mortgage my house for another."

If you want to, you can read all about it and see a bunch of cool pictures of it here (for free BTW).

A Sure Hit For VH1

OK, so hot on the heels of the announced Van Halen Tour! I think VH1 should have the cameras rolling for a behind the scenes look at the train wreck in the making.

I will be SHOCKED! SHOCKED! If some network doesn't jump on this with the band's past history.

The only victim in this is poor Wolfgang who will be lucky to ever hit the stage with the band.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Summer Has Arrived

OK, so at the moment it's 101 degrees. We had Lucie's birthday party yesterday and it was hotter than... uh...

OK, so comparisons escape me. Just take my word it's hot, and will be for a while now (probably until October sometime).

Ick. Too hot to be funny.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Random Whining

OK, I feel icky.

My gland is still swollen and sore. I came home and crashed out with the princesses sleeping away the afternoon. I felt a little better, but now at 10PM I feel cruddy again.

At least the little Princess has had a happy birthday. She was met by Uncle Louie this morning with balloons and had cake andice cream this evening.

Now the littlest princess (Sadie) is feverish.

Oh no. A run of "The Crud."

Mandantory Fun Day

First things first.

Happy Birthday Lucie!

OK, so today is Mandatory Fun Day here at work. Everyone is going off to eat bar-b-que and play horseshoes.

I am out of here at 12 and am going home to lay down as I have a gland the size of Ohio in my neck.

Also, supervisor number 2 is hanging around for no apparent reason. He re-recorded the greetings and changed the phones over.

Enjoy Mandatory Fun Day.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Unlimited Resources

Amazing.

I just heard my boss on the phone. He is fighting with upper management because an engineer on the road can't make it to a site on Monday. He is trying to make them understand they will have to reschedule. Management says that is not acceptable and we must send someone. My boss is telling them we don't have anyone and the other group which supports the product is unavailable.

They are not getting it that we just don't have the people to do what they want and they insist we have to.

Row faster slaves, ROW FASTER!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

I Hate Being Lied To

Well, I just spoke with the technician. He checked for the line being clogged by pulling out the lint filter and feeling for a vacuum. Interesting.

Out of all the things I have read on the web, I never heard of that one.

So I ask about my burned out heating element and how he determined it was bad. He told me "He tested it."

So I thanked him and hung up the call. I didn't bother to tell him I changed the heating element last night and the dryer still does not produce heat (ANY). I also failed to mention that the leads connecting the heating element were coated in dust, so he had obviously not removed it or messed with it.

I will be getting a chimney sweep to clean the dryer line and provide me with a written statement telling me if the line was dirty or not.

I feel a massive campaign of annoyance to my warranty company coming on. It's bad enough I had to wait five days for a technician, but then to have someone sent out who is only interested in trying to get the claim thrown out.

I am a jerk and I know it, BUT I am an HONEST jerk.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Is Everyone a Crook Anymore?

Last September we spent the better part of the month with no air conditioning. Our outside unit had gone out. We called the warranty company who sent out a technician. That technician then said the unit failed because we had failed to keep it clean (ie: spraying it down), therefore it had overheated from a buildup of grass and crud preventing the airflow from circulating allowing it to cool.

OK...

So despite the fact we had two other people come out and say that was "Highly unlikely" we had to pay to have that fixed ourselves.

Fast forward to last week.

Our dryer has been out, for the short term we borrowed a dryer from a friend, but finally decided we would call the warranty company to fix ours. Last Thursday we called them, yesterday (Tuesday) the guy shows up and says we have a burned out heating element (no surprise)and that it burned out because our vent line is blocked (surprise). He'll not mention it to the warranty company, but if they find out he won't be able to fix it.

UGH.

So, my wife is looking on the web on how to check to see if it is clogged. "Put the dryer on air fluff and see if the vent has air blowing out."

OK, so I do this walk outside and can see the flap for the vent open and can feel the air. I turn the dryer off, flap closes, no air. I turn the dryer back on, flap opens, air.

I tell her, it's not blocked and the guy is obviously wrong. She isn't surprised to find this because...

THE GUY NEVER WALKED OUTSIDE TO CHECK THE VENT IN THE FIRST PLACE!

So using his psychic powers he troubleshot the issue. He also didn't call us back yesterday, OR come back to fix it.

For now we will continue to climb Mount Laundry to get to our bed while we wait for the shop to open to call him and/or his boss.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Oak Ridge

Wow, Glad I am in Dallas and not Oak Ridge today.

Growing up, Oak Ridge was always kind of a weird place and once you became an adult it gets downright spooky. The whole town was built by the government to make parts for the A Bomb during the Manhattan Project. As you drive into the town you see check points which were abandoned. You also get to see chained off fields with apparently nothing around warning you not to go there.

Freaky, very freaky.

Y-12 is one place you don't want to go charging into with your car, unless you need a few more openings in your body.

OUCH!

Glad I am not a helicopter pilot today.

Instead I have the pleasure of attending pointless meetings. HA!

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Why I 'm Not a Liberal

I am listening to Michael Medvad who has a lady on who actually made the statement that the US should have fought the communist threat by diplomacy instead of the wars we fought.

Folks this is why I am not a liberal and why I am not a war protester.

Diplomacy and compromise only works if the party you are engaging in diplomacy with has a similar goal as you. A good example of this is when governments compromise in order to keep peace.

The IMPORTANT THING is BOTH SIDES HAVE TO WANT PEACE.

Liberals (and the war protesters) assume the other side only wants peace and to live in harmony. Their own little place to be happy in.

The truth I have learned in life, is despite what we like to think, there are people who DO NOT WANT PEACE!

Look at Hitler. Look at Oslo. Look at Saddam. (Do you think he wanted peace?)

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Our Lot In Life


The latest NTAC Wars for you to enjoy!

The Innocence of a Child

So last night I am cleaning the litter box. Up walks my little two year old daughter Lucie.

"What are you doing Daddy?" she asks.

"I'm cleaning the poo poo out of the litter box, Honey," I reply.

Her eyes open wide with amazement. "You can poo poo in there!" she gasps.

After suppressing my laughter, I reply, "No, Honey, only kitty cats poo poo in the litter box."

No matter how bad of a day you have had, that would make everything better.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Frustration With Blogspot

OK, so for some reason I can't upload this animated GIF I made for some stupid post. IF I ever get it uploaded, I will let you all know.

Nothing exciting going on. I changed my profile picture to a moderately accurate picture of me.

I did have to add some weight, apparently the SIMPSONIZER is afraid of making fat people appear... well, fat.

Make yourself a Simpson character at www.simpsonizeme.com.

Too much fun.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I Am Now a Victim

Society today has become a society of victims. Until yesterday I couldn't claim to be one. You see I am a middle class white guy, a practicing Christian, I have kids, pet, a stable job, no criminal history. I was never abused, don't do drugs, not an alcoholic, I quit smoking 10 years ago.

All in all, I am quite boring.

BUT yesterday my wife started getting calls for loans "I" had applied for online. She called me to ask about this as she was understandable disturbed because she knows I wouldn't do something financial without at least letting her know. I confirmed I had DEFINITELY NOT applied for ANY loans.

So began the process of canceling all of the payouts to the person who was opening all this crap. I only got bent out of shape one time when one firm refused to give me the information for the loan when I asked for it because "It was opened fradulently." My reply was "So some A--hole has taken out a loan in my name with my SSN and information, and you won't give ME the data on the loan, even though it MY information."

She properly responded with "Sir, you don't have to use that kind of language."

She was right of course, and turned out to be very helpful as she blocked the loan and made sure there would be no more opened using my info. I thanked her profusely.

So immediately after work I took a trip down to the local police station and filed a statement and had a report opened. Since then we have been contacted by another site that I got a lot of information from. I'll be sure to pass that onto the assigned detective when I talk to him.

The cops should have enough to get them. I would like nothing better than to see the twerp(s) behind bars.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Dateline

Well, I watched Dateline last night on Eric and the whole mess. The way I see it we still stand where we were last time I talked to Eric. It all comes down to what happened in those seven minutes between the first 911 call and Erin's 911 call.

I don't believe her attorney for a second that she doesn't know what happened. She was there and I am willing to bet she had some choice things to say before he walked out the door.

It was interesting seeing Brian and his wife Tamara. Brian is the man who introduced me to Eric when I joined the first Band Eric and I were in. I haven't seen Brian in at least 10 years.

For everyone who starts feeling sorry for Erin, who was in a loveless marriage and Eric was never around. I challenge her to explain why Eric was never around. Maybe because he was trying to get his degree, finally, after putting her through school and raising the kids.

Yes he played in bands. He always has and always will. She knew that when she met him. She knew that when she married him.

Monday, July 16, 2007

NATC WARS!


OK, so occasionally we have to do something to relieve the insanity.

I Don't Like Mondays

Ugh.

Early shift (7 to 4), which is OK with me, but, There was a call in queue before I was even supposed to be at work (that is so wrong). The next zinger is I get called on my cell phone by a guy who I worked with over the weekend.

EEEEK!

Friday, July 13, 2007

Take the Harry Potter Profile

Here you go. I got sucked in. I am such a geek.

You scored as Ron Weasley, You often feel like second best and as a result don't have an awful lot of self confidence, but a truer more capable friend would be hard to find.

Ron Weasley

80%

Sirius Black

80%

Hermione Granger

65%

Harry Potter

50%

Albus Dumbledore

50%

Remus Lupin

35%

Lord Voldemort

30%

Severus Snape

30%

Ginny Weasley

30%

Draco Malfoy

25%

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
created with QuizFarm.com

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Terrorist Frustration

THIS really makes me upset.

I would love to smack the snot out of the jerk who called off Gary Berntsen.

Back to Busy Busy Busy!

Well it is true again. My job is either boredom or sheer frustration due to an overload of work which is maddening.

I am transitioning from boredom to the latter now. Haven't reached insanity yet, but I see it on the horizon for next week.

BTW. I am going to have to answer some of my fan mail. Lots of questions from people who want to know what the unglamorous life of a tech support geek is like.

Hang tight.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Busy Day

Well, we're staffed very lightly today (we were yesterday too). So far I have pulled 10 calls.

Nice huh. ADVENTURE!

------------------

Update!

Finished the day with 14 calls. Things calmed down in the afternoon.

Ticket System Frustration

Here in the great land of Tech Support we have a ticket system to track all incoming issues. This is so when the next engineer gets a call I worked on he knows what I have already done and what the problem is. My bosses can also look at it to see what is going on if someone calls in to complain about service.

It's also handy if someone gets hit by a bus and you can't go ask them what they were doing.

My frustration stems from the fact that my last call literally too 5 seconds to answer (I gave the guy the answer before he finished asking the question), but then I had to spend the next 15 minutes opening a ticket because of a glitch in the system. Because of the glitch I had to build a new site in the database, then try to open the ticket three times because it mistakenly wants to charge the guy. Then I over-ride the charges and it still wants to charge him.

Oh well, go get a Slushie (Squishy) at 7-11 today. They have FREE 7oz Slushies (Squishies) all day!

P.S.

For my buddies who have noticed I am not on IM anymore. My company now monitors all IM traffic. While I have nothing to hide (as my boss will tell you while he massages his aching ears), I am very sick of getting pop ups telling me my IM traffic is being monitored.

So, in short, until we get some IT guys who can snoop inconspicuously, I am off line.

You might catch me online at home though. Otherwise email me.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

I Live In Interesting Times

WOW!

I just found out the guy who instructed a Cisco class I attended is wanted for theft over $100,000.

I guess he didn't take getting laid off too well.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Trapped At Work!

I had made it to five minutes before quitting time and KABLOOIE! Call comes in.

Guy is installing a QSIG link, so he waits until almost 8PM Eastern Time to call in. Oh well, that's life.

Pizza will be late guys.

Divorce Party


Well tonight was the divorce party for COLLEGEGIRL. All I can say is we had a blast celebrating her newfound freedom.

Some people just don't know a good thing when they have it. Fortuantely I do.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

TRANSFORMERS Review

OK, so no spoilers in this one.

In short the first hour of this movie is the best action movie I have seen since "Raiders of the Lost Ark". This is no small feat. The CGI effects were unbelieveable, the tension built very well. There was humor placed to break things up.

Excellent, excellent, excellent.

And then...

The robots started talking.

Everything you ever hated about the cheesy dialog from the cartoon growing up comes back. Optimus Prime is just a bleeding heart do gooder as his cartoon self. The dialog could have been pulled straight from the cartoon (was in some cases).

The second half of the movie seemed long. Lots and lots of action and AMAZING special effects.

Don't get me wrong, it's good, your kids will love it (my 8 year old was in ecstasy), but you will not be blown away.

Good movie, worth a watch. Not one I HAVE to add to my DVD collection.

Monday, July 02, 2007

2007 All Star Game

OK, so I can't argue withj the logic that Dayn Perry gives in this article for the most part. I do hate that he had to pick on the Rangers, but they do deserve it (truth hurts).

The part that stuck out was this;

"In critiquing these choices, let's be mindful of the fact that every team must have at least one representative on these rosters. Trying to dig up, say, a worthwhile Texas Ranger can be a challenging task. With that said, Michael Young doesn't belong on the roster. On the Rangers, Mark Teixeira or even Eric Gagne would've been a better option."

Unfortunately, Mark Teixeira has been sidelined with an injury, so I guess that would leave Gagne as the some (somewhat) deserving player.

I do have to add that out of the player I expected to be nothing but audience drain Sammy Sosa and Kenny Lofton have been productive. As much as Michael Young brings to the team, overall, I don't think I would have put him on the team either.

Second Try

OK, I am making a second go at "Getting My Sexy Back" (insert Justin Timberlake music here). I am going much more relaxed method at the moment. Jen and I are both eating properly and generally avoiding the mass quantities of crap it is so easy to eat. We are also very carefully monitoring portions.

While I am reluctant to step on a scale (316 last week when I had to go to the doc for my fainting spell), I can definitely tell my clothes fit better and I have a TON of energy today.

I see the same results in Jen. She has obviously began thinning down and says she feels better already.

Another good thing is her brother and his wife have moved to Texas and are staying with us until they find a place. They are both great to have around and happen to be vegetarians (as well as Chris is a phenomenal chef (no offense Kelly)) so we are getting ideas from them of things to eat besides non-stop chicken.

I'll keep you posted. Maybe in a week or two I will be brave enough to step on a scale.

It's Not Easy Being Green

Well, my wife has always had a thing about being green (it's her favorite color) so I made the song her ring tone when she calls me. Apparently, COLLEGEGIRL has been accused of being "Green" also.

COLLEGEGIRL, hang in there. Being green isn't so bad.

(BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!)

Sorry, lost control for a second (wiping tears from my eyes).

So anyway, it's not a bad thing to be green, just ask Jen.

...and be careful what you google... ewwwwww!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I am a HORRIBLE Person

OK, so today at work I passed out.

Nothing too terrible, I stood up, got dizzy and BOOM!

I was out for about 4 seconds and talked like a drunk on painkillers for another 10 or 20 seconds.

I went to Urgent Care and they think it's my BP meds. Not a big deal, talk with my real doc when I can tomorrow.

So after all this at 8:30 tonight there is a knock at the door. It's the little girl from college my wife ran off the other day trying to give us some spiel on "Study Guides."

The wife can't get rid of her and the girl is trying to come in, so I step in.

"Look," I say, "we can't. We have two little ones and the dogs are worked up. We are not available and will not be."

"Well sir, you don't have to buy anything."

"No, we're not interested." I reply.

"But sir this is for college credit. I get credit just for explaining this to you."

"No," I say.

"So you won't even listen to what I have to say so I can get college credit? You don't want to help me get college credit?"

"No," I say.

"Sir, did you ever go to college?"

"No, I reply," obviously irritated by this point.

"Well then, maybe that's why you don't understand." At this point she attempts to move toward the door and show me the "Study Guides."

WRONG MOVE.

"Look," I say sharply, "Let me explain it for you. NO! NOW LEAVE!" Just in case she forgot where her car was parked, I pointed the way out for her.

"Sir, I just have to say, you are the coolest dad I met all day."

"Brought it on yourself," was my reply as I slammed the door on her.

Anyone else think I was evil for telling a pretentious JERK that I didn't want to listen to her CRAP?

Not that it matters. I'm pretty sure I will sleep OK tonight.