Friday, November 30, 2007

One Book I AIN'T Reading!

I think this speaks for itself.

An Open Apology

Sorry for the lack of funny lately. I had to travel to Chicago and I have been buried in work lately.

Additional responsibilities, same pay. BUT, at least I am more indispensable to "The Company."

Well see. I will try to be funny later... no promises.

Monday, November 26, 2007


OK, so Cajun man could relate.

Allright, job is slowly wearing me down. Sucking the life from my veins.

Maybe I should move to Sales, but would that cost me my soul?

Friday, November 23, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all. Be sure to count your blessings and remember that no matter how messed up America gets, we are still blessed to live in a country where we have our freedoms.

Also, remember and PRAY FOR our troops. They are away from their families so we may be with ours. Thank a soldier, sailor, airman or marine for their service.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Trapped In The Potty! (Part IV Escape!)

Jenny raised a good question when she asked about what I was eating and drinking while trapped in the potty. While I was enjoying a never ending supply of cool fresh water from the top tank of the toilet (TOP TANK PEOPLE< THAT IS PRE-POTTY WATER!) I had no sustainable food supply.

With the WIFE and children being too chicken to come to may aide and COLLEGEGIRL busy translating Greek scrolls into Latin Mass, I was left to my own devices. This was also compounded by the fact my laptop battery was going dead after three days of surfing the web on the throne, I hit on an idea.

I went to Pizza Hut online and ordered a pizza for delivery (Veggie Lovers with an order of wings. Cajun, those are my favorite... sorry, I digress).

When the delivery was made... well...

I escaped at least, but at what price? At what price indeed?

Am I a bad person? Desperate situations call for desperate actions.

Friday, November 16, 2007

Trapped In The Potty (Part III)

OK, so I am into day two and all I have is my laptop and the view of the slashing claws of my cat to keep me company. It seems no one is taking me seriously. My emails go unanswered and my calls are not returned.

My boss was nice enough to let me work from home.

I keep calling my home begging for help, but my family is too afraid to come close to the bathroom door (apparently it isn't the cat they are afraid of).

I have a plan to get free from my porcelain prison, but will my soul survive?

But the alternative...
Certain Death!

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Trapped In The Potty (Part II)


Still trapped in the potty.

I can hear the rumbling purr of the furry beast outside my door as she waits to drink the warm blood from my veins.

Evil, pure evil.

I should have bought a dog.

Someone come help me! Please!

Jenny Is Going To Get Me Killed!

Jenny wrote a blog post HERE where she threatened one of God's loving creatures with De-Toement.

Needless to say, my cat Boo found out and tried to disembowel me this morning. I had to run and lock myself in the bathroom.

Filthy Biped!

Can someone please come to my house and give her kitty treats and distract her so I can escape the potty with my laptop.

I am scared. Very scared.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Christmas Observation

The WIFE gets the Christmas Blahs around the Holidays. It came early this year as Thanksgiving has been completely skipped from the holiday schedule by the stores.

WIFE - I hate this. I hate Christmas, BAH HUMBUG!

Me - Christmas isn't too bad. We just need to get into the spirit.

WIFE - I just went to Kroger and they have all their decorations out. It looks like Christmas threw up.

Me - "Looks like Christmas threw up." That's great! Can I blog about that?

What can I say? I have no shame. I steal the best from everyone.

Why Do I Bother?

So as I struggle to make a system I will be supporting at the begining of next year work, I listen to a Director and Manager argue about who is "Cool" and had the best taste in "80s Music." These are management guys with degrees who are "Going places."

Why do I ever worry about losing my job?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

New Banner

What do you all think about the new banner? Should I go with this, or try something new?

I like my Darth Tater I drew, but I am not sure how to work him in to the design.

Monday, November 12, 2007

The End Of My Roadblogging Adenture

The return flight from my Road Trip was non-eventful; the PBX cut went so well I hopped an earlier flight to DFW as all of the Hospitality functions were working, and the techs were just running down little things here and there.

Besides, how uneasy can you feel when THIS smiling face shines down on you.

I feel tingly all over.

No Shame

So I let everyone know that through the strangest of coincidences a guy who works on the same PBX I do happened to be at the hotel I was helping cut over in Norfolk. He was nice enough to offer to bail me out if I got stuck on something (like my ego would EVER let that happen).

What do I get in response?

You guys are sooooo mean!

Virginia License Plate P-I-M-P!

Oh, If only I could have this sweet ride! I've always wanted a sedan with MONSTER TRUCK TIRES!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I Did It!

OK, so it's not Extreme Pogo Sticking, but not everyone can be as cool as MOM!

Monday, November 05, 2007

Road Blogging

You all will notice some oddball posts (more odd than usual that is as I am on the road this week in lovely Virginia. I don’t mind too terribly being on the road, but it really disrupts my family, so I will use this to also remove a lot of the glamor of the life of a “Road Warrior.”

Observation Number One – DFW can be very, very, very crowded. I was not particularly pleased when I checked in at the ticket counter and proceeded to security to get screened and found the line backed up around the corner and down the walkway to the next section of Terminal A.

As I stood mouth agape and pondering if arriving two hours early was enough time to catch my flight, I heard an ever so helpful security screener call out, “No waiting at Gate A-12.”

Bingo. All the patrons of Terminal A were treated to the sight of a fat guy in glasses trotting at a brisk pace to gate A-12 with his Mullet blowing in the breeze. I am not stupid, I know security runs about 50% on accuracy as far as the wait time, but I figured it was worth a shot.

Lucky me I arrive at A-12 and find a very short wait and pulling my driver’s license out I fall into line behind a tall bald fellow. With the short wait I am in a very chipper mood and begin to think “What a nice day.”

It’s such a nice day I don’t even get annoyed when the nice bald man has some confusion over his driver’s license and ticket having different names (I guess maybe one of them had his maiden name). I even try to joke with an obviously harried mom who is trying to get her stress bomb four year old through security.

(Note to self, Commit crime, get thrown in Federal prison with Richard Reed so I can punch that moron in the nose.)

Observation Number Two – Dear Mister Guy Talking On The Cell Phone In The Bathroom, we can hear you.

All of us. You are not invisible (or inaudible) as you have the argument on the cell phone with your kid on the other end of the line. Honestly, I felt as uncomfortable as the time I asked Alec Baldwin to babysit.

Observation Number Three - One of the flight attendants looked a lot like Divine from the movie "Hairspray."

Color me afraid.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Potty Time!

If you go to the potty and the person in the stall next to you is making enough noise to make you think there is a Greco-Roman wrestling match going on over there, perhaps you should introduce your stall-neighbor to the miracle of fiber.

Just a thought.

Halloween Hijinks

My two favorite women (The WIFE and COLLEGEGIRL) donned their matching ninja outfits with their cheerleader names on them. I had to get a picture to put up here.

Be warned, do NOT call EITHER of them by these names if you want to live. It's one of the rules from the WIFE's Owner's Manual.

In Case Of Emergency!

OK, so lets pretend you have an old ticket you don't know about. You forgot about it and get a bench warrant issued for your arrest for failure to pay. Lets pretend you get pulled over for speeding and the next thing you know you are spread across the hood of a squad car and on your way to lockup for it.

Lets also assume you are an active member of church and unfortunately for you, your church finds out about it.

So you show up for choir rehearsal to find this under your chair.