Saturday, December 26, 2009

Cat-Puncher!

Vic inspired me with something that might be a euphemism, but if not would look something like this:


Captain Carl, imagine this happening to that yowling cat in the middle of the night. Carlos Spicy Weiner can make this happen for you!

The Great Escape!


Carlos is coming home for the holidays one way or the other!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Help Save Carlos Spicy Weiner!

Ms. Yvonne had a Christmas Miracle happen at her place, but Captain Carl is a "Doubting Thomas" so to speak.  I present the following evidence to support the good wholesomeness of Carlos Spicy Weiner!



If nothing else, just print this off protest poster and let the good captain know how you feel!



Complete with Milk Bone Shiv.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Friday, December 11, 2009

Does Jack Black Hate Me?

Since the last link was blocked, lets try this one!  Stupid interwebz!  DANG YOU AL GORE!!!



Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Happy Birthday Benjamen!

Today Ben and his Star Wars hair turn 11. Congratulations big guy and good luck on the rest of them. May you have many many more!

What Happened to DJ Lance?

Did he get stung by a bee or something?


Monday, December 07, 2009

Santa Touching Your Special Place

Santa is a perv. 




Can We Skip The Holidays This Year?

Well the "Boy In The Box" as my Twitter friends know him is in job Hell right now as Toys R Us is screwing him over.  He got exactly "0" hours last week because they "Accidentally" left him off the schedule and no one would address it.  He finally became frustrated enough to get a job and now no one is hiring because they have already staffed up for the holidays.

Nice.

So TBITB is stuck until... I don't know with no hours.  If he wasn't doing his job I would have expected someone in management to tell him to shape up or ship out.  Personally I figure they don't like some aspect of him or his personality and are too chicken to tell him.  That requires leadership and confrontation and unfortunately it seems few in positions of authority have those attributes or the stomach for them anymore.

Add to this Christmastime is when Ben usually goes off the rails (and he is with gusto this year) and you have a fun holiday season ahead.

Any prayers for TBITB would be appreciated.  It's not easy for him as he tries to decide what he wants to do going ahead with his life.  Plus he now has no money to depend on for college next month.

Toys R Us, I poop at you!

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

Thanksgiving Quotes

Ben: Hey! Everything on this menu is in Spanish!
Me: That's because we are at a Mexican restaurant, son.

and

Lucie: We have to put the star on top of the Christmas Tree so Santa knows we have one.
Me: So without the star on the tree he won't notice the tree?

Monday, November 23, 2009

How I Spent My Weekend

This weekend I went to a care show put on by Ben's Karate place, Texas Karate Center.  Tony Genova put on a car show / Karate Exhibition / Carnival and I was asked to do some drawings for the kids.  I took some artistic license and used the line, "I Will Draw Anything For a Dollar."

Things went pretty well and we made some cash for his special needs classes, but the highlight of my day was a beautiful little girl who sat down with me and while I drew a picture of her, she drew pictures for ME!

I wanted to share them with everyone.  She is a talented young lady!





Thank you Megan.  You made my day an awesome one!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Taken From An Actual Argument

From downstairs THE WIFE and I hear.

Sadie: That's a BAD WORD!
Ben: No it isn't.
Sadie: YES IT IS!
Ben: It's a "Not Nice" word. That's different.
Sadie: No, It's a bad word. I'm telling.
Me: We can hear you. You don't need to tell us.

Sadie stomps up the stairs and confronts THE WIFE and I.

Sadie: Mom, Ben said a BAD word.
THE WIFE: What did he say?
Sadie: I can't say it. It's a BAD WORD.
THE WIFE: Well I have to know what the word is to do anything.
Sadie: But I can't say it. It's a BAD WORD!
Me: Well honey, just spell it. (Keep in mind Sadie is three.)
Sadie: Uhhhh. E-R-T. That's what it was.
Me: OH NO! NOT E-R-T!

Some days are worth getting out of bed for.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Taken Out Of Context

I saw a thing the other day referring to Psalm 109 verse 8 which states:
May his days be few;
       may another take his place of leadership
I felt that nicely summed up how I felt about Obama.  I found out Rachel Maddow made a statement about how the next verse reads:
May his children be fatherless
       and his wife a widow.
I popped out a tweet referencing Psalm 109:8 and mentioned I was doing it specifically because Rachel Maddow called it UNAMERICAN.

I wasn't surprised when someone threw out the reference to Psalm 109:9 and said it was "particularly lovely and American."  I explained I didn't reference that verse, but the one before and that I didn't mention it in my tweet.  I also warned her not to let other people put words in my mouth.  I want Obama to be a one-term president because I think he is a terrible president BUT I DO NOT WISH HIM DEAD!

The fact is, the left has taken something the right has said and added to it to change our meaning to suit their perception of us so we will back down.

I. WILL. NOT. BACK. DOWN.

Sorry folks, I have been called racist since before the election.  I have listened to that tired old argument for every politically based opinion I have.  I guess it is only logical that the left now change it from plain racism to murder.  Well, there is no more basis for that than there is for the charge of racism and the false cries only lessen the impact when true racism exists.

Also I was told in the response:
You can't take one bit out of context and pretend it's not about wishing him dead, because it totally is.
To which I replied:
 Well then I guess I just don't know what I meant by what I said now do I?
I then blocked her.  If I wanted to include it folks the reference would look like this:
 Pslam 109:8-9
There is a difference.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

UBER-CHAIR

I have a bad back.  It's a fact of life.  I am fat, I don't exercise enough and whatever.

But I have the BEST wife any man could ask for.  THE WIFE went out and bought me a lumbar support.  I strapped the monster to the behemoth chair I stole from an empty cubicle here at PHONECO and created...


UBER-CHAIR!

MUWAHAHAHAHA!

The Real Reason For The Bow




Tuesday, November 17, 2009

I Will Be Rich

OK, so mass production of these babies begins today!



That's right folks! Bobble Waist President Dolls!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Master Of Puppets?



A glimpse of what Metallica COULD have looked like.

Happy Friday The 13th

NOT

Today started off well with me meeting with some friends of mine from church. I had a nice breakfast and interacted with a friend who really truly cares for my soul.

I then went to work and had a meltdown and a blowup at a good friend over my frustration at his frustration.  He is trying to understand and make sense of things which make no sense.  Trying to apply logic to things which have no logic.

I have given up.  I don't care anymore, I just do what they tell me to do.

So while my friend fought it out, I went over the line and said someone who I should have known wasn't wrong was wrong.  I then yelled "Who the F*** cares?"

My buddy said, "You should care."

He's right and I am an ass for not letting things go their own way.  Honestly I am just burned out which is why I had left tech support.  The frustration of trying to convey the reasons for why we are forcing technicians and salespeople to do things which make no sense just because the managers of the product decided that is how it should be done.  Of course the managers of the product don't understand how the whole process works, so they don't know better.

Of course, I am not defending them.  We have told them and were blown off as being "Scared of change."

I have given up.  I told my boss that I am here from 8 to 5 and that is it.  I don't care anymore.  There is no desire to go above and beyond because it does no good in the long run.  A prime example of this is a buddy who referenced a document concerning a product.  A decision was then made to over-ride the document and support the feature (this was in direct counter to the documentation) and my buddy was thrown under the bus and the customer was notified that "Support would be educated."

Yeah, I definitely wish I had been laid off in the last round.  Now when I go, I know there will be nothing.

Thanks for all the hard work "H" best of luck in the food services industry.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

New Video Game!

This is what my kids want for Christmas!  Mark it on your list!



Thanks to the genius of The Onion!

Monday, November 09, 2009

ARMY Update

Since I am considering enlisting, here is the first report from my workout routine!

1. Think about working out
2. Throw up

Whew... That was enough for today.

In the lighter side of things, I got a freelance art gig! (YEA ME!) So I am doing it for free, but hopefully it will build my portfolio and get me some paying business.

Anybody want me to draw them a picture? I keep drawing myself naked, might as well try someone else.

Friday, November 06, 2009

Research

OK, so I am still thinking about this Army thing. I am overweight, have a bad back, high blood pressure and I'm old (got it covered?).

I've always wanted to serve my country and do something to make a difference, so I can't get it out of my head. I decided to do some research to make sure how things are going before I jump in so I am watching GI Joe and Stripes this weekend.

I'll let you know what I find out.

In the meantime, I tried a yoga position which is supposed to help for back pain.  It is called the Halasana and it looks like this:


Now when I do it, it looks more like:



YOGA FAIL!


Thursday, November 05, 2009

Be All That You Can Be

Terrrifying.

The Unites States Army is actively recruiting me.

Me... Scary. I always said when the Army needs me they are in deep poop. Well, I guess things must be going terribly.

It all started with the Middle Son  talking me into playing the virtual Army experience with him at the Alliance Air Show. They got my email address and phone number as well as my age.  Being 37 I figured that would stop any danger of calls.

Oh no. They called. THE WIFE warned them I am 37, have a bad back, high blood pressure and I am overweight.

No problem they said. He can be 42 they said. What does he do for a living they asked?

He's in communications.

Apparently that is like blood in the water as they actually showed up at the house yesterday to talk to me (of course I was at work). Funny though.

So the Oldest Boy asked if I was going to enlist. I'm not planning on it, but it's interesting to think about. Could make for good blog fodder.

What do you all think?

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

More Aspie Fun

Time for more idiocy from LISD in the ongoing adventures of Ben.

For those of you who have kept up for a while you will remember we pulled Ben from his school he was assigned to and finished the 2007-2008 year by homeschooling him.  In the 2008-2009 year, he moved to a charter school and has been doing much better which is in a huge part because of the school's willingness to work with him and listen to suggestions we offer.  They also are actually familiar with things such as Autism and Aspergers.

Today we had a shocker from the school as they said he needed to be doing all of his math work (he was doing a reduced work load as part of his IEP (Individual Education Plan)).  The Occupational Therapist said she was sure he was doing all of his work last year (which he was at the beginning of the year).  They pulled the IEP and sure enough, no shortened assignments for math.

THE WIFE called me and told me what was going on and we BOTH remembered him having shortened assignments from his old school from our last ARD.  She said she would pull our files as soon as she got home, she did and...

He had shortened assignments in multiple areas including math.  The IEP sent to his current school didn't match our paperwork.  So the school is going to run with our version of stuff until our next ARD.

What a mess.

Friday, October 30, 2009

Hello There, Remember Me?

Hello my beloved blog... I am so sorry to have been away for so long. Yes, I have another blog (The Panel), but it is a fleeting fantasy, you are my TRUE blog. I have so much to share, but I collapse into bed drained from the days of answering questions about PBX programming, trying to pin down idiots who dodge responsibility and worst of all... Staying sober for 8 hours every day... (sigh) I promise to drag myself to the computer this weekend and share the adventures of the (somewhat)employed one. The adventures of Cujo the smallest little ball of murder on four legs and of course, poop jokes. Now that I am back in tech support perhaps I will begin writing Tech Support Haiku again.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Puppy Has Arrived!

Pleeze go to THE WIFE's Blog and vote for the puppy's new name.

Don't make our poor puppy got through life named "Ping Pong."

Friday, October 23, 2009

More Bran Please

I had a couple of thoughts about work.

First off, I am luck that the guy across from me hates food with "Fiber" and "Nutrition" because now I get to eat the snack bars our friend from the lab is "Bribing" him with. YEA ME!

Secondly, my new manager is Japanese (not Japanese-Amserican, not Korean, Chinese or Asian, he is an honest-to-goodness citizen of Japan) and I get along pretty well with him. We've gone on a site visit together for about a week with another group and we also interact pretty well at work.

Sooooo, it's time for him to pay up.

Yep, he needs to suffer from one of my pranks so he can be "One of the Guys."

My plan is to get a phrase in Japanese like... Oh I don't know...

"I AM A BIG FAT STINKY GORILLA!"

Have it made into a temporary Henna Tattoo, and put it on my arm. I then show up at his desk on Monday and tell him I got a tattoo over the weekend, roll up my sleve and tell him the tattoo guy said it means "Strength."

I have a feeling it will be pretty funny to watch the reaction.

At least for me.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Not Dead Just Busy

It's almost too much effort to blog in the evenings sometimes. Work I am generally too busy to do anything. This is a rare occasion where I have some free time for lunch. Another biggie, I heard someone was called into the big boss's office where he produced a copy of an email sent around advertising a house for sale. The email had a name similar to his. "Is this you?" he asked. "No," was the reply. No idea why THAT gathered the attention of HR, but I am starting to wonder about my sanity. I have long ago given up any feeling of security around here. Obviously there is a logic to who stays and goes, but non of us know what it is.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Thursday, October 15, 2009

What-EVER

I am in a bad, bad mood today... Sorry for not posting. I wrote up a post and realized it was a rambling piece of crap so I decided to give you this instead...




Your welcome.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Tagged!

Wow, I am so honored as the talented and lovely Ms. Yvonne at Yo-Mamma's blog tagged me with the



"I Shoulda Been A Stripper Award"



This is total excitement for me because I never win anything, so I am going to have to work extra special hard to make her proud.

Let me start with a redesign of that picture. I kind of have the shape of a peep, but lets try this...


OK, Now that is out of the way lets get to business. The deal is I have to write seven personality traits about myself and then tag seven other bloggers. If the other bloggers refuse to participate, I have to move in with them until they finish the post.



OK, personality traits:



  1. I am geeky. Very very geeky in fact. So geeky THE WIFE has been known to fake a suicide to escape the description of my day at work.

  2. I have an obnoxious sense of humor, so sarcasm is my strong point. Part of this is a family trait (Dad toughened me up as a young man) and the rest comes from doing tech support for ten years.

  3. I laugh at inappropriate things (mainly potty humor)... (I wonder why Ms. Yvonne and I get along so well.) This is part of what inspires my art work.

  4. Although I am a large man (IE, tall as well as fat) I don't enjoy being large. Some guys like to bully small people, I don't. I would like to be normal instead of Shrek-like in my awesomeness.

  5. I (Like Ms. Yvonne) am also obsessive-compulsive. I have been known to drive the entire family insane as they all wait in the van outside as I go back for the fifth time to make sure the front door is locked.

  6. I suffer from Anxiety (With a capital "A"). It is so bad that before I went on medication, I was at a church luncheon and had a panic attack. THE WIFE asked me to go get the kids some food and I freaked out and insisted we HAD TO LEAVE RIGHT THEN!!!!!

  7. I love. I love my family, my friends and my life. I've made a lot of mistakes and I am not the person I wish I was, but I am blessed more then any man ever has been before me.

Now for the fun part... Hmmmm, who do I tag with this? OK, all these people are awesome in their awesomeness.

I have to tag THE WIFE because she completes me and I wish everyone could know she is the funniset and most beautiful woman in the world.

Justin From Justin's Random Thoughts

Furiousball (So he can work on this while he is working and trying to watch the Phillies.)

Kim from Yellow Trash Diaries

Spit and Vinegar from Almost Domestic because she needs to blog. Her talent is too good.

The Unstable Blogger (I miss her writings, please come back.)

and last but not least...

Laurence Simon from http://www.isfullofcrap.com/ (Mainly because I know he won't do it and will mainly be annoyed which amuses me somewhat. BUT Laurence is the reason I started blogging, so I will not leave him out. I have learned a lot from him and he has earned my respect and although we haven't met IRL I consider him a friend.)

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Irony

In the wake of last weeks layoffs (which I survived thank you all) I have an observation about the corporate mindset right now.

From upper management comes an edict:

You have goal X to meet with Y number of employees! If you do not meet the goal, you will be replaced with someone who can meet that goal.

In Reality!

If you do meet the goal you will become part of a reduction in force because you obviously have too many resources.

Is this irony? I know it's not a spoon when all I need is a knife, but I am not sure what to call it other than insane.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Senior Discount

A friend of mine was telling me a story about his son. Apparently his son who is nineteen and his buddy went to a local Taco Cabana. While they were in there they noticed some buy one get one free coupons and snatched up a few. They then ordered a heaping mound of food and when presented with the bill they gave the cashier the coupon.

"I'm sorry, but you can't use this." the cashier informed them.

My friends son got really upset, "Why not," he asked?

"Well sir you aren't a Senior," was the reply.

"Sure I am," he said presenting his school ID proving he was indeed a Senior.

"No Sir," the cashier explained. "These are for 'Senior Citizens', not 'Seniors in school.'"

Oops.

Friday, October 02, 2009

Maybe This Out Front For Halloween

It rained a lot and then my back went out so I have not mowed in forever.  Therefore the yard looks bad enough for ME to be embarrassed by it.  Since it won't mow itself and no one else is going to do it (yes that was aimed at my kids who are reading this now and getting all offended) I guess I will drag my aching butt out and just double up on pain meds.

Of course this is the first weekend in October so the Halloween decorations are about to come out.  I found one idea that had me laughing so hard I may have to do it in front of the house this year.





Genius.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

My New Desktop Background

Many thanks to my buddy Pat for the new desktop background.  The shot was taken from Sydney during the dust storm from a couple of weeks back.



Wow, it is amazing.  It's hard to believe it wasn't Photoshopped.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Cowboys Crap

Tony Romo throws so many interceptions Vinnie Testeverde makes fun of him.

Jason Witten is open more than a 7-11 (Hint to Tony Romo!)

Roy Williams is a lot different from T.O. Where T.O. often dropped passes which hit him in the hands, Roy often drops passes which aren't even intended for him.

Roy sucks so hard his only endorcement offer is from Electrolux.

Roy Williams was hit by a bus at Valley Ranch over the weekend. Fortunately for him the bus hit him on the hands and bounced harmlessly away.

There was some concern Roy Williams had caught the Swine Flu last week, then everyone realized he was Roy Williams.

Wade Phillips is taking a new harder line on the Cowboys. If they don't straighten up and fly right, he's going to ask the UN to write a strongly worded resolution to be sent to them.

The Cowboys running backs are more banged up than Johnny Knoxville.

Felix Jones is the only Jones boy who Jerry doesn't cry about at night.

Some people drive a big truck to make up for anatomical shortcomings, Jerry built the Death Star.

And don't forget Flozell Adams:

Flozell had three false starts the last time he made love to his wife.

Flozell, its one, THEN two THEN three. OK?

I'm not saying Adams gets a lot of penalties, I'm just saying he gets more laundry thrown at him than the original members of Kiss.

Monday, September 28, 2009

My Wild Wild Life (Part III)

By Popular demand... Geoffry the Giraffe!




Guess who's in there! I'll give you a hint, it ain't me!

My Wild Wild LIfe (Part II)

PrincessTeacher Lucie conducts class for her students.


My Wild Wild Life (Part 1)

So here is what life in my home is like. First up we have the insane cat Sato and how much he loves his new collar.





PHONECO Rumor Mill

PHONECO is undergoing merger with our sister company and the rumor mill is all a twitter with rumors of massive layoffs, re-orgs etc...

So anyway, the date for this apocolyptic occurance keeps moving. First of Sept, 3rd week of Sept, End of Sept, First of Oct, First Friday, ... and on and on.

I am cold and ticked off and the lab is like hanging out in a morgue right now. Moral is low, no one knows what is going on and honestly I am tired of my ever expanding role of responsibilities.  I signed on for one job and every time we have layoffs that means the ones left behind get more work for the same or less pay. 

I went to work for PHONECO because I loved our products but the ever changing role we present to the world has me frustrated.  I want our management to make a decision and stick to it.  I am tired of NO ONE EVER making a decision, so we flounder around and then it seems everyone is confused by why things don't work properly.

A good example is me being in a meeting where I am supposed to provide "Techincal Answers" for a Director.  Turns out the manager of the product was looking to me to make a "Pitch" for why they should sell the product.

You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me.

The sad thing is, I think we are wasting wayyyyy too much money on this product, but if I want to keep working I don't share that tidbit.

Maybe this round of layoffs I will get my severance and move on with my life.

Monday, September 21, 2009

How I Feel At Work Today

I can't seem to get anything together. The server I am working on doesn't have a connection for the hard drive. I am scattershot on my bug reports...

In short, I feel like this:


Curse you Chipmunk!  Get out of my TIE fighter!  Curse you!

Global Thermonuclear Warfare

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Correction

Got a link sent to me from my buddy in Australia @Stefan_MK1 to a ridiculous picture of the President.


But something just looked wrong to me... Hmmm, what could it be?


There... That's better!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

What The???

I am often confused by many things. I would like to think of myself like "Winnie the Pooh" but then my family would starting calling me "Daddy the POO" and I would lock myself in the bathroom and cry which would only add fuels to the fire.

Anyhoo. The Doc is obviously concerned about my back seeing as how I am eating Vicodin like Tic-Tacs and said no more painkillers for me until I come visit her.  I am not going to fight anymore and I asked THE WIFE to get a referral to an orthopedic so I can get this fixed for good.  Pain SUCKS.

For those of you interested in the UNEMPLOYED ONE, I have avoided talking about him so he wouldn't get upset and get in a twist because I talked about him on the blog, but oh well.

He is employed but he is seasonal help at Toys R Us so he has no hours, no cash, no car isn't going to college right now and I am not sure what his plan is.  I would ask someone to hire him, but I have no idea what he really wants to do.

On that note, lets go out with a political message from Linda McMahon.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Somebody Stop Me!



The Internet does make you stupid!


UPDATE!

I shamelessly stole this from my friend Nikki. Sorry Nikki.

P.S.
You're little girl is too dang cute!

Racist!




Uh Oh!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Why I Don't Wear Makeup

Sadie and Lucie work on their makeup skills.

THE WIFE works on her Photobomber skills as a spoiler!

Never a dull moment!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Let Me Make It Up To You

I need to apologize to everyone for my long winded political outburst yesterday.

What? Make it up to you?

Are we at that point in our relationship? I don't know, I feel so violated.

NAH. Here's a goofy picture from my buddy Jerry to make it up to you!


So anyway The Panel has a brand new post up discussing how we named our pets.

Or if you prefer, you can see how life with an Aspie can sometimes be a challenge over at THE WIFE's blog.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

My Troll Filled Morning

Well my tweet (twit?) this morning of...


I have a new hero. Joe Wilson #iamthemob
...prompted a troll exchange. I have found people who diagree with those of us who are conservative tend to follow the #iamthemob hash and jump out to try to spew the party line we hear from our government at us.

Here is what happened. I am @tots4masses in the exchange. Bold and Italics indicate a note from me on the exchange.



MildlyBrilliant @Tots4Masses A grown man throws a tantrum over an easily debunked rumor like a three year old, and you admire that? I weep for this country.

@MildlyBrilliant Would you like a link to the bill where you can read it for yourself?

@MildlyBrilliant While the bill says it is for illegals there is no mechanism to verify citizenship.

@MildlyBrilliant Per the bill there is only a check for income as a requirement.

@MildlyBrilliant Go back under your rock and love on the president who is lying to you while you adore him. I weep for YOU!

@MildlyBrilliant I also weep for the fact you refer to yourself as "Mildly Brilliant" but believe everything you are told.

MildlyBrilliant @Tots4masses H.r. 3200: Sec 246-no federal payment for undocumented aliens. Oh and mildlybrilliant is self depricating humor, try again.

Here is the section he is referencing:

"SEC. 246. NO FEDERAL PAYMENT FOR UNDOCUMENTED ALIENS.
Nothing in this subtitle shall allow Federal payments for affordability credits on behalf of individuals who are not lawfully present in the United States."

@MildlyBrilliant And please point out the section where they verify citizenship. I'll be waiting.

MildlyBrilliant @Tots4Masses Yeah it it's the part where there is NO DOCUMENTATION, no insurance... Or do you honestly believe the gov't won't check?

@MildlyBrilliant Do you honestly believe they will? If it isn't mandated, why would they? How would they?

Now I make a comment to another twitterer

@OrdinaryAmerica Dude, I will have to blog about this transaction with this twit. It is hilarious.

I was bad. I shouldn't have called him a twit. I admit it, it was childish of me.

MildlyBrilliant @Tots4Masses If that resolution is passed then yes it would be. You have no proof it won't and who are you calling "twit"? Blog away chump.

HUH? I still don't understand this one?

@MildlyBrilliant I am calling YOU a twit. You said this was easily refutable. Now are you saying "It isn't in there, but it will be?"

MildlyBrilliant @Tots4Masses I showed you the house resolution stating no insurance for those without documentation, it's not my fault you can't read.

Uh... no it doesn't say anything about "Documentation"

@MildlyBrilliant I already pointed out I know it says that. You have not answered my question, "How is citizenship verified?"

MildlyBrilliant @Tots4Masses The same way it is for Medicare, Medicaide, SCHIP, etc. You have to submit your documentation before you get any bennefits.

Uh... no it doesn't reference Medicare, Medicaide, SCHIP etc. Let me ask again.

@MildlyBrilliant And what section is that outlined in? I promise to read it and give it honest thought if you point it out.


That was it. Either he decided I was too dumb to continue or he couldn't find the section he was sure would be in the bill. Honestly, I sincerely hope he is looking because that is what all citizens need to be doing.

My point to @MildlyBrilliant was even though the bill says illegal immigrants SHALL NOT be covered; there is no check in the bill to verify legal / illegal status. That was and still is my point. I stand with Joe Wilson, President Obama lied last night.

If the point of section 246 was really to make sure only citizens and legal immigrants were covered, verification would have been outlined somewhere in the 1,100 or so pages. I do not for one second believe the fact this omission has not been corrected is an accident.

If it has been overlooked the Democrats should simply explain how the check is made and what sections it is outlined under. They don't do that, so the debate goes on with them resorting to name calling (thugs, mobs, racists assholes etc...) and not giving facts.

If it is not outlined now, I do not believe it will be outlined properly after it's made a law, nor do I feel we should make assumptions on how things will be covered as @MildlyBrilliant did.

I do have to give @MildlyBrilliant a bit of credit though as the last troll started off the conversation by calling me a "Dumba$$" (his spelling). If anyone wants to change my mind, please be sure to state the sections of the bill where it is outlined not just throw out how you "Think" it will work.

------------------------------------------
UPDATE!!!! I WIN!

From Fox News:


In the Senate, Democrats in the so called "Gang of Six," a group of bipartisan senators on the Senate Finance Committee which is the last panel yet to release its bill, began moving quickly to close the loophole that Wilson helped bring greater attention to.


But I'm sure since it's from Fox News, I am just drinking me Kool Aid.


Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Shameless Self Promotion!

I just added a Potato Nightmare shirt to my cafepress.com site to celebrate Halloween.



You can see all the stuff at http://www.cafepress.com/houstonkeys or go directly to the shirt here!

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Dozer The Destructor Shirts Available!

I opened up a shop on Cafe Press to sell some of my designs.  If you are so inclined, feel free to go buy and give things a look. I will update the site as I add images.

First up is shameless self promotion of my story "Dozer the Destructor."


You can hit the site at http://www.cafepress.com/houstonkeys.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Please Support The Duncanville Rink!

I got an email from a blog buddy tonight that the Duncanville skating rink where her daughter plays hockey is in danger of being closed.  They are needing web traffic to their site because they are trying to convince the Dallas Stars to keep the rink open so kids can continue to enjoy sports there.

Here's the link! http://supportduncanvillerink.com/

They are also making a push for getting into the "Hockey Is For Everyone" program with USA Hockey to make sure all kids who want to play hockey can.

Please go to the site and shoot off an email of support and follow them on Twitter at @SaveDvilleRink.  If you are planning on buying Dallas Stars hockey tickets thsi year, let them know that too!

Please spread the word so families can continue to enjoy this facility! Email your friends! Tweet it! Tomorrow is Follow Friday so it's a great time to spread the word!

Thank you sincerely,
Houston

A Little Somthing To Hold You Over

I have a post about pooping coming soon. I am sure EVERYONE will love it.

Until then enjoy this:


Miyuki Hatoyama the wife of the new Japanese Prime Minister - elect has traveled to Venus, Knew Tom Cruise in a former life and was once abuducted by aliens!


I think I saw that episode of South Park.

Monday, August 31, 2009

What The Fishsticks Is That?

While parusing the local Wal-Mart a while back I noticed some of the custom cakes they had been making. THE WIFE and I try to hit our buddy Danita at The Cakery Bakery. She has a great eye and makes cakes that are as delicious as they are attractive.

Wal-Mart, not so much so. Lets examine, shall we?

OK the first entry is a little puppy. Very very cute.


Next is a ... Puppy? Furry Rat? I'm not sure, still cute, but ambiguous.
Uh... Now Ladybug(s)? I'm not sure one or two. Are they mating? Ewww!
And Finally!
WHAT THE FISHSTICKS IS THIS THING?
It looks like a slug with salt poured on it. Were they going for cute caterpillar and just missed it? Were they going for Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo and just missed? I have no idea.
Was this the deranged love child of a Budwiser inbibed redneck who was in a rush to get back to watching the races?
What is it? Tell me in the comments or on twitter @Tots4Masses . I am afraid.... Very afraid.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Sad But True

A friend sent me the following information about being an aging musician.

Sadly, it is all true.

You're too old to play gigs when.....


1. It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp.

2. Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.

3. All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.

4. All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub.

5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your playlist.

6. Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.

7. You don't know (or care) who any of the new bands are.

8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings.

9. You've dislocated your back jumping off the stage.

10. You feel like hell before the gig even starts.

11. One of the waitresses is your daughter.

12. You stop the set because your Ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.

13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.

14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.

15. You refuse to play without earplugs.

16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.

17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.

18. Your gig stool has a back.

19. You're related to at least one member in the band.

20. You don't let anyone sit in.

21. You need a nap before the gig.

22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.

23. During the breaks, you go to the van to lie down.

24. You prefer a music stand with a light.

25. You don't recover from a Saturday night gig until Tuesday afternoon.

26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever.....

27. You buy amps considering their weight, not tone or cool factor.

28. Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the bar becaus they're younger than your daughter.

29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location ...

30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days and could physically do it

31. Your set list is danceable.

32. You think "homey" means cozy and warm

33. You have to look over your glasses to check your PA connections

34. You're playing the same venue in three months and you ask the club owner if you can leave your amp!

35. Most of the band members are a lot younger then you.

36. Your son is waiting for the gig to end to drive you and your stuff home, then go back out and party...

37. Your date couldn't make it because she couldn't find a sitter for the grandkids...

38. In consideration of your age, the audience requests some British invasion.

39. On all out of town gigs, you draw straws to see who the driver will be coming home.

40. You start listing your truss as a "business expense".

41. You forget to take your Flowmax so all sets that night are only 15 minutes long.

42. When you get a "Cease and Desist" letter from the Spandex Co.

43. When you play 2 nights in a row, and the next day, your body aches like you played in the Super Bowl!

44. Or .. you play a Wednesday night gig and call into work sick on Thursday and Friday..

45. When the only "Stones" you care about are in your gallbladder or kidney.

46. You have to charge extra money if there are any steps to climb.

47. Your hearing has deteriorated so badly that you actually ask the guitar player to "turn up".

48. You call out the next song only to have someone remind you that played it 10 minutes earlier.

49. Your drugs are keeping you alive, rather than killing you.

50. You worry more about breaking a hip, than being hip.

52. Musicians half your age are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or have appeared on postage stamps.

53. The only white powder to be found amongst the band members, is foot talc.

54. You look at the song list you provide to clients and realize the last song you entered under your "top 40" category is Disco Inferno.


Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Secret To Tech Support

Lifehacker has completely blown the secret to tech support and troubleshooting.

Basically follow this flow chart and you will never have to call for help again.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Lucie's Big Day

Today is Lucie's first day of school! EVAH!


She starts Kindergarden and she was coming unglued she was so excited. I got to give her and Ben a hug before I left for work, so I hope they have a great day.

The Unemployed One is looking for a job still. Eviction day is drawing near. I have a day in my mind where the man/child goes out on the street and gets to stand at 7-11 every morning with the day laborers trying to pimp a job.

Otherwise I am just a little grumpy about life and work. I will share later, but right now I need to keep my mouth shut.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

How I Feel

I feel like I get this a lot.

Movie Review - Star Trek

Because I am a cheap old man and I have five kids I only review the 50 cent movies that everyone else has already seen.  This week the movie was:

Star Trek

Amazingly this movie had to things going for it right off the bat.  Number one, it didn't have Wiliam Shatner:
 
 
It also didn't have Will Ferrell
 
 
Immediately I felt my money was safe!
 
The movie was actually pretty good and I thought it was very well cast.  I liked the way they worked out the kinks and made a new story.  I especially like the green chick!
 
 
 
Eric Bana makes the best batcrap crazy man since Kevin Spacey.  I highly recommend it.
 
What's that?  Where's the humor?  Where's the funny?
 
Pthppt! How about some gratuitous nudity?  Fine then Click Here!
 
 

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Sax Man

Here is one that THE UNEMPLOYEED ONE introduced THE WIFE too.  Jack Black is a genius.



SUCK IT WILL FERRELL!

Friday, August 14, 2009

The Jerry Jones Hairpiece Zapruder Film

I just heard about this.  Being a HUGE Jerry fan and all I had to share it with you!




I now have a restraining order against me.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

William Shatner Is To Blame

Much like Chuck Norris being all powerful and indestructable I had the epiphany when William Shatner and Guy Kawasaki caused The Bloggess's blog to crash that William Shatner is the cause of all things bad.

Much like gremlins and the destruction they cause Shatner is a one man wrecking crew.

You can follow the fun on twitter with the hashtag #williamshatner (assuming I don't get bored with it first).

*Facts:

William Shatner is the reason why you have a bad taste in your mouth when you wake up.
William Shatner moves your car keys when you sleep so you can't find them.
Socks disappear in the clothes dryer because WIlliam Shatner takes them when you aren't looking.
William Shatner caused your grandmothers cake to fall when you were young and you took the blame.

And so on...

You all can thank me for the warning later.

*By "Facts" I mean William Shatner probably didn't do these things.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

He Who Has Been Renamed

Well today is a day to celebrate! The man/child formerly known as THE OLDEST BOY has been renamed to THE UNEMPLOYED ONE (although I am sure he will be back to Captain Gloom when he gets a job).

BUT! That is not why we are celebrating!

THE UNEMPLOYED ONE has been accepted into college.  So if the financial aide goes through, THE UNEMPLOYED ONE will be attending college in a couple of weeks.  If not he will be going in January.

THE WIFE asked me to go and pick up a book of class listing, so I hopped in "Tha Love Machine"tm and with a cloud of blue smoke made the short trip to Las Colinas and got the schedule.  I have to say enjoying the views on campus, I think I may need to sign up and take some classes.

See for yourself:


[IMAGE REDACTED DUE TO INAPPROPRIATE GOOGLE SEARCH RESULTS!]

uh... need to be careful about that google search... (whew)

Monday, August 10, 2009

Happy Birthday Lucie!

Hey all, Lucie turns five years old today and I wanted to see if I could get a bunch of people to wish her happy birthday.  If you don't mind please drop a comment wishing her a happy one.  She will get a big kick out of knowing people care.

Also, for everyone's amusement, a guy I went to school with posted our kindergarden class picture.  So here I am at age five.

I am in the third row from the front next to last on the right.  In between the blind blonde girl and the dark haired boy.  Yes, I look like Randy Quaid's character from Kingpin but IT WAS THE 70s FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

Friday, August 07, 2009

From Hell's Heart I Stab At Thee

Suck It Will Ferrell!

You might have my 50 cents! You might have stolen 101 minutes from my life I will never get back, BUT getting THE WIFE to betray me was too much.

You're curly-haired cherubic charm may have won her over.  Or it may have been your cottage cheese buttocks (which you show WAYYY too often) I don't know.  All I know is you took my 50 cents and made a picture (a 10x13 to be exact, honestly, who sends a 10x13?) and mailed it to me.

MAILED IT TO ME TO MOCK MY PAIN!!!

THE WIFE hung it in a place of honor, on the fridge right by Sadie's colorings.

But last night I stumbled to my bed to dram of my beloved 4 bits and found this betrayal:


It's on like Donkey Kong!

Tuesday, August 04, 2009

You Are Evil Will Ferrell

OK, so I have complained about what a stinker "Land of the Lost" was.  Well I got so angry I wrote a strongly worded letter to Will Ferrell telling him that I loved the "Cowbell Skit" but other than that, I was sick of looking at his semi-naked body and crotch in every stinkin' movie he has ever made.  Furthermore, he has now profited from my 50 cents and I want satisfaction.

I WANT MY 50 CENTS BACK!

You know what that curly headed crap-monger sent me????  This picture:

YOU SUCK!!!!
Yes... that is MY 50 cents in that picture.  I will have my revenge Will Ferrell.  I will have my revenge.

Monday, August 03, 2009

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Wolverines... Again! (Kind Of)

OK, I saw X-Men origins (another 50 cent movie night) and although I can't say it was as bad as the Will Ferrell movie it wasn't great.

Let me go back to the Will Ferrell movie.   Have you ever walked out of a 50 cent movie?  Have you ever got into an argument with the manager of the theater because you wanted your 50 cents back?  Have you ever gotten into a fistfight with the manager because he was "Restricted by policy" not to give you a refund?  Have you ever felt guilty for beating up a skinny 16 year old kid because he was the manager of a 50 cent movie theater?

If you answered yes to any of those questions you should RUN to the theater and watch "Land of the Lost."  It is SUCK-TACKULAR!

Where was I, Oh yeah, the "Origins" movie.  Meh... Read Ms. Yvonne's post about Wolverine claws because it is much more entertaining.

As for Ralphie May, I am sorry to say, the show was not really that great.  Of course he pissed off THE WIFE right off the bat and I wound up leaving early.  She lost her purse and oddly enough the opening act (a nice man by the name of Gary Cannon http://www.garycannon.com found it and turned it in.  He was funny as all get out and taught me a valuable lesson. 

If you shop at Kohls or live in Mesquite, TX don't sit in the front row of his show.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Ralphie May And Date Night

Saturday THE WIFE and I are going to the Addison Improve to see Ralphie May perform. We became fans of him when he appeared on "Last Comic Standing" and somehow lost out to Dat Phan. Dat is a funny guy, but he runs over the same material too much. For example the joke about him getting asked in the bathroom if he knows Karate because he has fluid movements "FINISH HIM! FATALITY!" has been told pretty much every time I have seen him on TV since he won.

Sad.

BUT! We will be enjoying a night out by ourselves. Sitter for the kids (AKA Andrew). It's a date night and we aren't going to Wal-Mart.

Anyone in Dallas want to go? We are going to the Saturday show. Leave me a comment if you might.

Mah Werkout Rootine