The Lowest Health Point In My Life

A buddy took this photo and shared it. I have to admit I am hugely dismayed (along with just plain HUGE).

I'm the fat guy in the pink coral shirt on the left

I have let my weight get out of control (again). I have fought my weight all my life. I eat because I'm not happy, or I'm stressed. I eat FAST because I always feel like I have to get to the next thing and I have let my back pain block me from doing anything relating to exercise.

I hurt, so I am inactive, I am inactive so I get fatter, I get fatter which puts more strain on my back.

Basically #Wah

So, this is posted today to show the lowest point in my health life. I am not letting this kill me. This time, I am asking for God's help to get me healthy.  I've done this on my own and I fail, I need God to get me right.

Here I am after doing Body for Life:

Check out the handsome fellow in orange
(The baby is pretty cute too)

This is AFTER I started putting weight back on.

I can't handle this anymore. I am taking it one step at a time. God, please be my guide.

Prayers are appreciated.

Body Envy

I was in high school when the movie Top Gun came out in 1986.  I remember the volleyball scene and while the scene was in there to provide eye candy for the ladies, it was soul crushing for a 14 year old airplane geek.

Well, hello there ladies!

Yep, I wanted to fly jets.  Prior to 1986 I wasn't looking anywhere other than the cockpit of an F-15.  It was (and still is) a BEAST of an aircraft.  Top Gun changed that for me and I was dying to fly an F-14.  When the F-18 came to the fleet, I was still a Tomcat fanboy.

Furthermore, I wanted to be a sex symbol.  To have the ladies oooh and ahhh over my chiseled features.

I wanted to be a hunky guy like Val Kilmer.

Finally I accomplished at 42 what I couldn't do at 14.

Well, hello ladies!  NOM!  NOM!  NOM!

Yep, I finally have Val Kilmer's body.  We are literally twice then man we used to be.

343

If you are looking for funny, you might want to step away for a minute.  I promise funny is coming, but not yet.  I HAVE to get this out of the way and get on track.

In July of 1997 I quit smoking.  I had my oldest son and my baby boy Christopher (now Chris, he finally won out on that battle) and I realized I wanted to see my children grow up.  I smoked my last cigarette in my back yard and just didn't buy any more.

Three more babies came along, Benjamen, Lucie and then Sadie.

In between Ben and Lucie, we moved to Dallas when I took a new job.  I was in Hammond, Indiana working on a hospital PBX when 9-11 happened.  All the planes were grounded and I couldn't get home.  I had a ticket to fly out of Midway airport on the afternoon of 9-11.  All I could do was watch the news and cry over the phone with my family.

My son didn't believe I was alive.  He knew I was flying home that day and saw enough to know planes flew into buildings and he was convinced I was in them.

I decided I had become fat and lazy.  I weighed 326 pounds and when I flew out to Chicago I had to have a seat belt extender to get buckled.  I was humiliated...

but not enough to stop eating...

THE WIFE got me a book called "Body for Life" and I followed it religiously.  I told her, "It's only 14 weeks, I can do anything for 14 weeks."  I lost 60 something pounds (I was too dumb to keep track).  I kept telling myself, how could I protect my kids when I couldn't run, or fight or do anything.

Once I came off the Body for Life program I started eating in my old ways.  I was still working out, so I thought everything would be OK.  Then one weekend, I had to go to the hospital with the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. My abdomen was giving off a pain I can't describe and nothing would ease it.  THE WIFE finally got me to my doc and she sent me to the ER.  Turns out I had gallstones.

Gallstones formed when I started eating the fatty crap again and my liver and gallbladder couldn't clean everything up properly.  Out came the gallbladder and no more pain, but I couldn't work out for six weeks.  That was the death knell for my "Program".

The weight came back.

I went through another program and dropped 40 pounds like a mad man by taking shots and eating a thousand calories a day. (I forget the name of it, but it was supposed to be 400 calories, but shag it all I can't do that.)

The weight came back.

Late 2013 I went into the hospital with chest pains.  The tech who set me up in bed told he he thought I was a D-Lineman for the Cowboys.  We laughed when my weight was 336 and I told him I would make a good Nose Guard in the 3-4.

So what does this have to do with 343?

Today I went to the doc for flu.  I got Tamilflu which is saving my butt, but I also got my weight. 343.

I can't live like this.  I have to change.  I have a wife, five kids and my oldest son and his wife have a baby coming.  I will be a grandfather soon and I so want to be there for my granddaughter.  I want to dance at her wedding.

14 weeks.  I can do ANYTHING for 14 weeks.

Losing It!

OK, since I have been such a downer for a while I wanted to share some good news.

Last year I started trying to lose weight and failed miserably.  This year my back got worse and turned to a crap sandwich.  Surgery is not an option, I hurt too bad for regular exercise... blah blah blah.

So, the doc told me to do the only thing I really could.  Cut back on calories.

When I started, my highest weight ever (which I hit last year) was 330 pounds.  Today I weighed in at 299.

While that is still fat as a pig, losing 31 pounds over the holidays makes me a happy, happy man.  My goal weight is 180 so I have close to 120 pounds to go, but the first 31 of that 150 pounds is gone.

Interesting (To Me) Observations

I spent the middle part of this week with a horrible case of dysentery.  Forget corn, I don't remember bit of bridges and old coats that were passed.

Lets just say I'm like the house in "Poltergeist." CLEAN


But I have other things to write about besides my poop, I noticed the other day when I walk my left boot makes a different noise than my right boot walking down our long concrete hallway here at PHONECO.  I then looked like an idiot in the middle of the hallway standing on one leg like a crane while trying to pull my left foot closer to my face to look at the bottom of my boot.  I didn't fall, but my back made some incredible cracking noises and some 70 year old lady stuck a dollar in my belt.  That didn't bother me, but the guy who stuck a 5 in sure did *call me*.

Of course I found nothing and when I noticed the sound again today, I realized it's because of my walking mechanics.  I actually have my center of weight shifter to my right side for some reason.  When I shift it to the left (centering it) the noise goes away.  Crazy, my neck has been bothering me anyway, so I think I need to schedule a visit to the Chiropractor again.

On the other side, my current weight is 317,  I haven't been working out due to the incredible amount of work we are under.  Most days I eat at my desk while working or stuff a bite or two in when I have a spare minute.  I know this is awful for me, but I am stuck and can't change things right now.

Much love to my friends.  See you all soon.

Total Shocker

We had to make an emergency trip back to Tennessee for my Paternal Grandmother's funeral so with the chaos and all, I have been missing my workouts.  Not to mention I have been trying to study up for another job.

I'm sorry, but my days at PHONECO are numbered.

I don't think I will get canned, but that is part of the problem.  I will be one of the last people left here to suffer through supporting failing products when we finally get our division sold off to someone else. THEN I will get canned.  Right now there are exactly TWO of us working support. (2) Seriously.  My Big Boss stated yesterday he was confused because we had 350 or so emails a week, 150 or so cases a month and no sales.

You heard that right... no sales.

Obviously this doesn't bode well for me. The hand full of installations which have been performed are eating our lunch as far as resources go.  I have read the writing on the wall, so I have been sowing my oats (and if anyone is looking for a VoIP Ninja feel free to let me know).  I am spending my days waiting for a callback to see if my BIG LEAD pays off or not.

So anyway, I digress.  My weight after my mile and a half return to walking, 318.  I'm still on target.

Thank you, God.  All praise and glory goes to you.

Day 8 - January 24th, 2011

I didn't work out or worry over the weekend.  Today I did another 1.5 miles and my weigh in is 321 pounds.

Day 5 - January 21, 2011

I MADE IT!!!!

OK, well, I made it through the first week.  It's a start. HA!

My foot feels much better today, I wrapped it in a cool cloth last night, medicated myself and stayed off of it as much as I could.  I would have iced it, but I could get to everything with the cloth better (between my toes etc...).

So today I did 1.5 miles again and my weight was 326.

I'm not freaking over the short term weigh gain, I had a couple of sodas yesterday which are EVIL EVIL EVIL! So I look to drop the weight again long term.  I am just keeping on keeping on.

Next weekend I have a super secret meeting I am going to.  No idea if anything will come from it, but I was approached by this company a couple of years ago and I felt like I wasn't qualified.  Earlier this year I was trying to get in with a former co-worker to see about working with this company's stuff and I wound up working over at PHONECO and missing the meeting.  This week I got a request through Linked-In to go to this company's campus for an open house.

Obviously God is trying to tell me something.  I think it's time I listened.

I'll keep you in the loop.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Day 4 - January 20, 2011

OK, made it again. No magic weight loss and I am heeding the advice. Not worrying about day to day, but I am keeping track for my own purposes.

Walked 1.5 miles and my weight was 323.

I did have to take a painkiller last night for this:

Ohhh yeah baby!

May wind up with another one tonight. We'll see, at least my foot has taken my mind off my back.

Day 3 - January 19, 2011

Sorry, I did work out, but I was too busy to update yesterday.

I did 1.51 miles on the treadmill and weight was 323.

Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement.  I promise to not lose hope on weight fluctuations, I just hope to see a gradual trend downward.  Honestly my long term goal doesn't end until 2012, so I won't lose hope.

As soon as I escape from this conference call, I will go work out again.... Then maybe post an ugly picture of my foot which is killing me.

Day 2 - January 18, 2011

Well, I did two days in a row.  In Ranger's terms that is a STREAK!

OK, so today I walked 1.55 miles at lunch and my current weight is 125 325 (corrected) pounds. (Don't get jealous, because I know I am looking at water weight right now so I am not jumping up and down that I hit my goal for the week.)

BTW, my goal is 2 pounds a week.  This is a frightening admission, but if I can achieve it I will hit 225 pounds by 2012.  I like that idea.

Day 1 - January 17, 2011 (Big Changes Ahead)

I know I have griped and complained about things for ever now, but my back has killed me forever and ever.  It's been a little while but I have been off the painkillers and just trying to make the muscle relaxers work for me. I have now started having problems with crazy creeping feelings up and down my back when I try to go to sleep.  It sounds like restless leg syndrome, but targeted at my back instead.

THE WIFE said that maybe God was sending me another sign to get up off my butt and lose weight.

Fine... I'm listening. (Finally)

Here's the deal. I need to lose 100 pounds (at least). I have to relearn how to eat, and figure out what my problem is.  Listening to a shrink talk they would say I am trying to fill an emptiness in my life with food.  Who knows, maybe they are right.

I'm also going to take this opportunity to let everyone know I will be starting up a webcomic.  I have not decided on the posting schedule, but I am setting the template up in wordpress/comic press and have the basic layout set, but I don't have a hosting area other than blogger right now, which the format isn't really compatible for.  So I will probably be buying a domain soon and moving to another web host.

So let me begin my tally.  Day 1, I walked a mile and a half on the treadmill at lunch.  Starting weight 327 pounds.

Lord it hurts to write that.

Back Checkup And My New Doctor

I went to the doctor on Thursday and we talked about my crappy back. Basically I am really impressed with my new doc because not only is he OK to take care of the pain, he has a plan to aggressively treat the cause.

Basically the plan is I am going to start working on core strength and work my way into an exercise routine. No Situps, crunches or crap like that, but beginning yoga, cardio (swimming if possible) and weight lifting. He ran X-Rays and confirmed my disk space is good (no slipped disks) and has ordered an MRI for Thursday.

I was also very happy to hear that my disk space looks fine and he thinks bone spurs are the cause (as my last doc did). But my last doc just said, go to an orthopedic who told me, "Lose weight." Of course it's easy to say that, but when you back hurts too bad to get off the couch, it's tough.

We did get a call yesterday so I dropped by this morning. Apparently I have butter running through my veins, so Lipitor is in my short term future.

My goals are to lose enough weight to get off my blood pressure meds and get my cholesterol down. I also want to get my back in better shape and get off the pain medication. A change of priority is in order, especially where work is concerned. No longer will I be a slave to PHONECO as they have proven they can barely survive on their own.

On a side note I sent an email to the MONGO-UBER-BOSS pointing out our last information release we sent out mis-spelled our product's name twice in the same paragraph. Hard to convince people we are the folks who should be securing, monitoring and helping them set up their network when we can't even proof read our releases.

I'll keep everyone updated.

Awesome Man Boobs

So we went with our church to a hotel to watch the fireworks from the pool last night. My fat man self eased myself into the hottub and was enjoying some quiet when I noticed some teenagers coming out to the hot tub. There were three of them, two boys and a young lady. One of the youths was an athletic young man, handsome and confident and the other was chubby.

Obviously I understood his pain.

See this young man started to take his shirt off and then promptly stretched it back on. His two friends started razzing on him for wearing a shirt in the pool.

The young lady was a lovely girl with dark skin and a wide smile. Her slender frame was perched on the edge of the hot tub and she taunted the chubby youth. "You're just wearing your shirt because your titties are bigger than mine!"

The athletic youth with her snickered and obviously pointed out to her she had just mad a crack about man boobs in front of an old white dude with large man jugs. She turned her head away so I couldn't see her embarrassed smile but I could see the stretch at the corner of her eyes ad the shaking shoulders of her buddy.

I looked her over from behind my mirrored sunglasses, "Don't worry," came my cold reply. "Maybe some day you'll actually grow some boobies."

The snickering stopped immediately and she had a shocked look on her face. The embarrassment growing deeper in her heart until with a tear in her eye she looked at me and replied, "I'm sorry mister. I should have been more cautious when choosing my words."

Yeah, that's what happened... In my mind. Ten minutes after the embarrassing comment.

What happened in real life in real time was I sat on the side of the hot tub (man boobs hanging out) and pretended not to hear the kids.

*Sigh*

Batman, The Ride (Or Not)

OK, so I have my little tag of "Getting My Sexy Back" for working out, but it is time for me to come to grips with things. I've struggled with my weight for a long time starting with high school once I quit sports. In 2001 I went on the "Body For Life" program and followed it religiously. I finally decided to myself I wasn't going to worry if I was losing weight or not, I was just going to work out and improve my health. I decided I had enough and I wanted to live as long as I could.

I weighed 326 pounds.

After about seven weeks I was at a Cici's pizza on my free day stuffing myself with pizza and I ran into a buddy of mine's wife. I said hi and started talking to her but her mouth hung open the whole time and she wouldn't talk to me. I thought she was mad or something. Turns out, she didn't recognize me because I had lost so much weight.

I didn't notice, it just seemed to happen overnight that suddenly my clothes didn't fit anymore and I had to punch new holes in my belt to hold it up around my waist. People noticed and I was proud. I actually had a waitress double check another form of ID because she couldn't believe the guy on the front of the credit card was the same guy at her table.

I lost somewhere between 60 and 70 pounds and I slowly returned to normal eating, dropping off the program. Returned to my old eating habits. Started drinking soda again, getting more sporadic with my exercise.

One day I would up in the floor screaming in pain. Something in my abdomen was killing me. I though my appendix must have suddenly ruptured and I expected to die. THE WIFE finally convinced me to go to the hospital, but the pain just went away. One minute I thought I was going to die, the next minute, I was fine. No pain at all. I told her to go home. It was stupid to go sit in the ER and wait for a doctor to tell me they couldn't find anything.

I continued on my merry way and before long it happened again. This time when the pain quit on the way to the hospital, THE WIFE convinced me to go on. I was seen and had an ultrasound. The prognosis was gallstones and I needed to have my gallbladder out.

Surgery WAS NOT something I wanted but the doctors told me it was really the only option I had. There was no other effective treatment and the only real side effect would be diarrhea if I ate fatty foods.

The surgery itself wasn't too bad but I did wind up passing out beforehand. THE WIFE was asking about the blood sample they took prior to surgery. I told he the phlebotomist sucked as she kept moving the needle around. I then thought about it, got light headed. I remember THE WIFE telling me to sit down right before I went out.

I woke up on the floor hearing voices way off in the background talking. I remember thinking that I didn't remember the surgery at all and I couldn't figure out what was going on. THE WIFE explained I passed out and bashed my head into the wall. The Doctors then rushed me back to pre-op. (Turns out passing out is a great way to avoid sitting in a waiting room. Note for all you all.)

After the surgery I had to wait six weeks before working out again. At that point, I was out of the routine and could not get back on track.

The last time I went to the doctor (about three weeks ago) I weighed 322 pounds. I was kind of depressed, but I went with my family to Six Flags yesterday (THE WIFE is a roller coaster junkie). She asked me to ride "Batman The Ride" with her. I love the ride so we went and got in line with the oldest boy to ride up front, but I can't buckle the harness on it.

I am officially too fat to ride "Batman."

I don't know what to think. I keep "Planning" to work out. I have pretty much quit my carpooling because there was no way to workout while I did that. Now it's a matter of sucking it up and getting down to brass tacks.

I once again see an impossible task before me. Can I do it again? Can I go beyond where I am?

When I lost my weight I went from size 44 pants to size 38. I really really miss those size 38 pants. I only wore 36 in high school.

I am so depressed. Maybe I need to go eat some chocolate.

I'm Workin' Out

OK, so my back is SCREAMING today and my right foot is still hurting like all get out so I decided to roll on the stationary bike for today.

Did about 5 and 1/2 miles in 25 minutes and still worked up a pretty good sweat.

Pre-workout weight was 314. I have been rounding up to the nearest pound on my weight, so yesterday I was really like 314 and 3/4 but I said 315. Today I was 314 on the nose.

Now if the doggone breakfast tacos don't catch up with me...

August 5th Workout Report

I am posting this to try to shame myself into continuing to work out.

Yesterday, I walked/jogged/shuffled/crawled on the treadmill 1.33 miles in a 22 minute workout. Pre-workout weight was 316 pounds (EGAD! Unfortunately I did once weigh more, thank God I don't weigh that now).

Today I did 1.25 miles in a 22 minute workout. Pre-workout weight was 315 pounds.

Trying.

I Feel Like A Small Planet

OK, so last night I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep and I noticed Sadie kept winding up wedged against me. I would push her back to the middle of the bed and a few minutes later she would be wedged right back against me.

Finally I got up and was lifting her to move her when I discovered my body had left an indentation SO LARGE IT LOOKED LIKE A MOON CRATER!

ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!

SO now I fear I will wake up and have a small child caught in a crevice or something like Peter from Family Guy.

I am sooooo depressed over this.

On the sick front, almost home clear. We have three kids still showing symptoms (two of which are beginning to whine and fight each other which indicates they are getting better), Lucie is still having a very rough run of it though. We are medicating her with anti-nausea meds to try to keep food and water down her.

Prayers would be appreciated.

Second Try

OK, I am making a second go at "Getting My Sexy Back" (insert Justin Timberlake music here). I am going much more relaxed method at the moment. Jen and I are both eating properly and generally avoiding the mass quantities of crap it is so easy to eat. We are also very carefully monitoring portions.

While I am reluctant to step on a scale (316 last week when I had to go to the doc for my fainting spell), I can definitely tell my clothes fit better and I have a TON of energy today.

I see the same results in Jen. She has obviously began thinning down and says she feels better already.

Another good thing is her brother and his wife have moved to Texas and are staying with us until they find a place. They are both great to have around and happen to be vegetarians (as well as Chris is a phenomenal chef (no offense Kelly)) so we are getting ideas from them of things to eat besides non-stop chicken.

I'll keep you posted. Maybe in a week or two I will be brave enough to step on a scale.

Getting My Sexy Back Update

OK, day two was fairly uneventful. I did have a second helping of lasagna, but even then I didn't go overboard with it. I drank another gallon of water throughout the day and have as of yet avoided all sodas. I am drinking coffee at work and tea at home, so I don't have the urge to kill anyone from caffeine withdrawal.

Today is day three. I had a turkey sandwich for breakfast and for lunch and afternoon snack I am having Tuna Helper, hold the helper. Mustard makes it edible. As of lunchtime I am at almost 1/2 gallon of water.

Working out has not been possible yet. I am frustrated, but I have to help out with the kids at nigh and by the time we get them down I'm wiped out. I guess I will have to get up and start walking in the mornings before the kids get up.

Hideous photos will be available soon.