Hello There, Remember Me?

Hello my beloved blog... I am so sorry to have been away for so long. Yes, I have another blog (The Panel), but it is a fleeting fantasy, you are my TRUE blog. I have so much to share, but I collapse into bed drained from the days of answering questions about PBX programming, trying to pin down idiots who dodge responsibility and worst of all... Staying sober for 8 hours every day... (sigh) I promise to drag myself to the computer this weekend and share the adventures of the (somewhat)employed one. The adventures of Cujo the smallest little ball of murder on four legs and of course, poop jokes. Now that I am back in tech support perhaps I will begin writing Tech Support Haiku again.

The Puppy Has Arrived!

Pleeze go to THE WIFE's Blog and vote for the puppy's new name.

Don't make our poor puppy got through life named "Ping Pong."

More Bran Please

I had a couple of thoughts about work.

First off, I am luck that the guy across from me hates food with "Fiber" and "Nutrition" because now I get to eat the snack bars our friend from the lab is "Bribing" him with. YEA ME!

Secondly, my new manager is Japanese (not Japanese-Amserican, not Korean, Chinese or Asian, he is an honest-to-goodness citizen of Japan) and I get along pretty well with him. We've gone on a site visit together for about a week with another group and we also interact pretty well at work.

Sooooo, it's time for him to pay up.

Yep, he needs to suffer from one of my pranks so he can be "One of the Guys."

My plan is to get a phrase in Japanese like... Oh I don't know...

"I AM A BIG FAT STINKY GORILLA!"

Have it made into a temporary Henna Tattoo, and put it on my arm. I then show up at his desk on Monday and tell him I got a tattoo over the weekend, roll up my sleve and tell him the tattoo guy said it means "Strength."

I have a feeling it will be pretty funny to watch the reaction.

At least for me.

Not Dead Just Busy

It's almost too much effort to blog in the evenings sometimes. Work I am generally too busy to do anything. This is a rare occasion where I have some free time for lunch. Another biggie, I heard someone was called into the big boss's office where he produced a copy of an email sent around advertising a house for sale. The email had a name similar to his. "Is this you?" he asked. "No," was the reply. No idea why THAT gathered the attention of HR, but I am starting to wonder about my sanity. I have long ago given up any feeling of security around here. Obviously there is a logic to who stays and goes, but non of us know what it is.

The Adventures Of Balloon Boy

You have GOT to be kidding me!

Thanks to Kevin at WizBang Blog for the heads up.

What-EVER

I am in a bad, bad mood today... Sorry for not posting. I wrote up a post and realized it was a rambling piece of crap so I decided to give you this instead...




Your welcome.

Tagged!

Wow, I am so honored as the talented and lovely Ms. Yvonne at Yo-Mamma's blog tagged me with the

"I Shoulda Been A Stripper Award"

This is total excitement for me because I never win anything, so I am going to have to work extra special hard to make her proud.

Let me start with a redesign of that picture. I kind of have the shape of a peep, but lets try this...

OK, Now that is out of the way lets get to business. The deal is I have to write seven personality traits about myself and then tag seven other bloggers. If the other bloggers refuse to participate, I have to move in with them until they finish the post.



OK, personality traits:

1. I am geeky. Very very geeky in fact. So geeky THE WIFE has been known to fake a suicide to escape the description of my day at work.


2. I have an obnoxious sense of humor, so sarcasm is my strong point. Part of this is a family trait (Dad toughened me up as a young man) and the rest comes from doing tech support for ten years.


3. I laugh at inappropriate things (mainly potty humor)... (I wonder why Ms. Yvonne and I get along so well.) This is part of what inspires my art work.


4. Although I am a large man (IE, tall as well as fat) I don't enjoy being large. Some guys like to bully small people, I don't. I would like to be normal instead of Shrek-like in my awesomeness.


5. I (Like Ms. Yvonne) am also obsessive-compulsive. I have been known to drive the entire family insane as they all wait in the van outside as I go back for the fifth time to make sure the front door is locked.


6. I suffer from Anxiety (With a capital "A"). It is so bad that before I went on medication, I was at a church luncheon and had a panic attack. THE WIFE asked me to go get the kids some food and I freaked out and insisted we HAD TO LEAVE RIGHT THEN!!!!!


7. I love. I love my family, my friends and my life. I've made a lot of mistakes and I am not the person I wish I was, but I am blessed more then any man ever has been before me.

Now for the fun part... Hmmmm, who do I tag with this? OK, all these people are awesome in their awesomeness.

I have to tag THE WIFE because she completes me and I wish everyone could know she is the funniset and most beautiful woman in the world.

Justin From Justin's Random Thoughts

Furiousball (So he can work on this while he is working and trying to watch the Phillies.)

Kim from Yellow Trash Diaries

Spit and Vinegar from Almost Domestic because she needs to blog. Her talent is too good.

The Unstable Blogger (I miss her writings, please come back.)

and last but not least...

Laurence Simon from http://www.isfullofcrap.com/ (Mainly because I know he won't do it and will mainly be annoyed which amuses me somewhat. BUT Laurence is the reason I started blogging, so I will not leave him out. I have learned a lot from him and he has earned my respect and although we haven't met IRL I consider him a friend.)

Irony

In the wake of last weeks layoffs (which I survived thank you all) I have an observation about the corporate mindset right now.

From upper management comes an edict:

You have goal X to meet with Y number of employees! If you do not meet the goal, you will be replaced with someone who can meet that goal.

In Reality!

If you do meet the goal you will become part of a reduction in force because you obviously have too many resources.

Is this irony? I know it's not a spoon when all I need is a knife, but I am not sure what to call it other than insane.

Senior Discount

A friend of mine was telling me a story about his son. Apparently his son who is nineteen and his buddy went to a local Taco Cabana. While they were in there they noticed some buy one get one free coupons and snatched up a few. They then ordered a heaping mound of food and when presented with the bill they gave the cashier the coupon.

"I'm sorry, but you can't use this." the cashier informed them.

My friends son got really upset, "Why not," he asked?

"Well sir you aren't a Senior," was the reply.

"Sure I am," he said presenting his school ID proving he was indeed a Senior.

"No Sir," the cashier explained. "These are for 'Senior Citizens', not 'Seniors in school.'"

Oops.

Maybe This Out Front For Halloween

It rained a lot and then my back went out so I have not mowed in forever.  Therefore the yard looks bad enough for ME to be embarrassed by it.  Since it won't mow itself and no one else is going to do it (yes that was aimed at my kids who are reading this now and getting all offended) I guess I will drag my aching butt out and just double up on pain meds.

Of course this is the first weekend in October so the Halloween decorations are about to come out.  I found one idea that had me laughing so hard I may have to do it in front of the house this year.

Genius.