Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Seriously Dog, No Means No!

I really like THE WIFE's little ankle-biter dogs. They are named Gizmo and Gadget and are a pair of Japanese Chins. Gizmo is the sweet loveable little girl and Gadget is the dumb as a hammer little boy.

Gizmo is a cuddler, she loves to climb up on you and curl up while you scratch her tummy.

Gadget likes to immediately barge in while you are cuddling with Gizmo and stand on you while demanding you STOP PETTING Gizmo and PET HIM NOW! He shoves his nose and paws in between Gizmo and the two legged love dispenser trying to intercede and hog all those lovin's for himself.

Keep in mind that when I'm laying on my back with a little cuddle dog on me, he is standing on whatever part of my body he can get a place. Chest, stomach, head...

testicles.

You'd think a little dog that weighs nine pounds or so wouldn't be a big deal, but the little fart's feet feel like they're pushing through to my backbone while he stands there showing his nose into my hand...

and licking me. Ewwww. I HATE THAT!

There is one thing I've never cared for and that is being licked. Don't like it, no sir, not one bit. I've never understood people that will let Sparky or whatever they named their beast lick all over their face, hands and mouth.

Yeah, the one that really gets me is the mouth. Especially when people kiss their dogs on the mouth.

Why does that bother me so much?

...yeah, that ain't chocolate

So there these folks are practically French kissing their Asthmahound Chihuahua when the little dust mop has just gotten out of the litter box.

For some reason kitty litter must taste like sugar sprinkles on doughnuts because that mixed with the flavor of feline-processed cat food (ie: turds) is the dog food equivalent of meth. Yeah bring home some "Old Roy" dry mix from Wal-Mart and they'll look at you like you're rooting for the Browns to go to the Super Bowl. Drop a steaming hot cat turd in the floor though? Man, that's EATIN'!

Then the fur-covered turd munchers want to come and give ME kisses? On my MOUTH?

Oh heeeeeeck no!

I love you dog, but no means no.

1 comment:

K T Cat said...

LOL! The smaller of the Catican Guards is half chihuahua and when she gets all wound up, which is most of the time, she has licking spasms. If you hold her at arms length, she'll stare at you, licking the air like some kind of moth.

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