I listened to a speaker tonight who discussed his stuggle with addiction and he made an amazingly insightful statement. OK, it was for me because I am often rather slow on the uptake and I normally attribute pain to just being a way to learn and prepare for the work we have to do for God. He summed it up so much better by saying, (paraphrasing) God tore me down and then built me back up. He knew he had to tear me down because he knew if I wasn't torn down, I would never change.
It really made me think. How many times have we all been in a bind and said the Drunks Prayer, "God, if you just get me through this, just this one time, I swear I will never do this again."
Once we got out of the bind unscathed (mostly) we turned right around and did the same mistake later. Being torn down, losing it all makes a much more memorable impact. The words he spoke made it click for me. I also connected with many of the same addictions and demons he fought with. His life was very similar to mine, but for some reason God allowed me to recover myself (as much as I can be for now at least). Maybe he knew I wasn't in as severe need. I'm greatful either way.
The subject of why we are cruelest to the ones we love came up also. The speaker said he didn't know why we were meanest to those who love us. Unfortunately I knew the answer to that/ The ones we love the most will take what we throw at them, our darkest side and not fight back. They stay by our side and love us regardless.
In short, because we are cowards.
There was one last quote that I want to share. God will handle everything, but he expects us to be responsible.
Thank you to everyone who is and remains my friend. Thank you for the prayers, the thoughts, the laughs, the tears. God bless each and every one of you.
This isn't a suicide note. I hope to be around for a while longer. ;)