Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Wondering Where The Unicorn Farts Are

THE WIFE noticed I hadn't posted the fact our middle son got to meet the Blue Angles this weekend.  I just replied I hadn't had much time to blog, which is the truth.  Another truth is I am getting tired of whining about everything.

I used to talk to her about what went on at work, but my job is so technical and boring that she redirects the conversation when I try to vent.  I'm not saying she doesn't let me talk about work or let me vent, but the fact is I just can't get it all out.  I can't clear the frustration.

Politically I think our country has made some huge mistakes which we will be paying for, for years to come.  I know PHONECO is screwed.  so basically no mater where I turn I feel like the battle is lost.

Let me give you an example or two.

I'm working an issue where I have a guy doing an install that can't get something to work.  I'm trying to be his one stop solution to make things work rather than bouncing him from dept to dept.  I got an email Friday that I needed to follow up on older tickets, then another email this morning, then in the afternoon my supervisor came by and told em I have more tickets than anyone that haven't been cleared yet.

So, in the morning my first priority is to clear all these tickets out and make sure I don't open tickets according to the priorities set out by our management, but rather by what priorities will not show up in the report they run twice a day.

So, this customer suffers because I have to handle my paperwork.

Stupid right? Yeah, I agree.

The feeling I have no one I can talk to is the depressing side of things and that is where I am right now.  I have no out, no escape.  I have to keep my job for the benefits and the salary.  I could leave the job and immediately go to work at another company (If anyone from PHONECO is reading this, YES I HAVE HAD AN OFFER so screw off).  The problem is I go on the road and probably wind up divorced.

THE WIFE and I are having enough problems trying to keep Fridays open so I can help with a men's group for my church.

I just am tired.  Tired of trying to do a good job and feeling like I am failing.  Tired of trying to not care and not being able too.  Tired of having a good work ethic and being a loyal employee while I get dicked around by managers who are playing games.

My main thing I long for is when I finally turn my notice in and then my manager offers me money to stay  (Granted he might not, but knowing the shape his dept is in, where I am the only guy with an American accent, I think he will.) and I turn it down.  I've taken too many "For the team" and to "Enhance my career."  These "Great career moves" are why I can't go to the damn Physical therapist and have been living on pain killers for the last five years.  Why I can't get a normal exercise routine in and get below 300 pounds so I can stop hurting all the time.

I better stop now.  I'm not going to eat a bullet of chew up a hand full of pills, but I am so sick of dealing with people, it seems like a nice thought.

But then, who would tell you all fart jokes?


Anonymous said...

As a friend, who would prefer to remain anonymous, I highly recommend you set some realistically attainable short and long-term goals. Then COMMIT to seeing them through. First of which might be finding a more fulfilling means of employment. This doesn't merely equate to a "different" job, but a better job, and only you can define what constitutes making it "better." Secondly, I would recommend some way to get back into your music. This seems to bring you joy and a release. Maybe you can enroll in a Saturday morning, or one-night-a-week college class at the local community college. Finally, I remember how well you took off weight while doing the body-for-life, but that diet is very hard to maintain. Start with eating better, and riding a stationary bike or walking. You'd be surprised how much weight you can lose. Additionally, the activity would greatly improve your outlook on yourself and life in general.

I rarely post, but check in on occasion to see how you're doing. While reading your thoughts, it appears to me as though you are lost, and don't really have something to look forward to. Speaking as somebody who made Phone Co. their life, it will only end in a feeling of emptiness and regret. You are still a very young man, go live the life you were meant to. I have no doubt that God has great plans for you, and you are a very dynamic and capable vehicle. I will be praying for you.

Houston said...

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you.

Everything you said is true, I just hate to admit it. I've found myself wanting in my job front and I have let it completely interfere with my personal life where I am happy.

I'm very happy with my religious life, my family and my friends; although there are some (who I suspect you are one of) that I need to see more. I need to bring my personal life more to the forefront, and let work be the job that it is until I find a way to make it fulfilling.

I'm on the edge, but afraid to take the next step.

I think you have some great suggestions and I promise to do my best to change for the positive. I also promise to make with the funnies and to quit being such a whiny jerk.

Thank you for your comment and especially for your prayers. Prayers are what I need right now.