Thursday, November 11, 2010

I Have A Theory

I have a theory concerning Charles Shultz's Peanuts Gang.  For years these beloved hooligans have amused us with their shenanigans, but I have recently become concerned about their activities.  I think we have been duped my friends.

I do not take the dismantling of one of America's most beloved groups lightly, but the truth must be revealed.

First off, I need to let everyone in on the truth.  The Peanuts Gang is just that, a GANG.  Why have we overlooked this through the years?  If they were a group of elementary aged kids joined the Crips or the Bloods now would we?  Just because the criminal organization is referred to as the "Peanuts Gang" doesn't mean their motives are pure.

Example number one is the one referred to as "Peppermint Patty.
Wholesome? You be the judge.

"Patty" appears to be some over-masculine freestyling young lady who is destined to not shave her legs and do all her shopping at Sprouts.

Furthermore she is followed by her life partner "Marcy" who calls her "Sir" non stop.

This isn't coming out of the closet, this is standing in the closet with the door open while your life partner shines a spotlight on you.

Mixing a little meth in the bathtub instead of bathing?
Next up is our little buddy, PIGPEN!

Pigpen is always dirty and while no one brings it up odds are good the he is a hard core tweaker. 

So who is responsible for all the trouble?  Do I really need to point it out?                 

That's right! Charlie Brown!
YOU BLOCKHEAD! (Or should I say HEAD?)

Ever notice the Christmas Tree? Not much of a tree huh?  That's because IT HAS FIVE FREAKING LEAVES!!!

They were firing up a HEMP Christmas Tree?  WHERE ARE THE ADULTS????                                                                          

1 comment:

Falahime said...

Peanuts was always weird to me and I felt weirder because no one else seemed to think Patty being called "Sir" was abnormal.

Does anyone else picture Lucy as a dominatrix in the future?