Thursday, August 27, 2009

Sad But True

A friend sent me the following information about being an aging musician.

Sadly, it is all true.

You're too old to play gigs when.....


1. It becomes more important to find a place on stage for your fan than your amp.

2. Your gig clothes make you look like George Burns out for a round of golf.

3. All your fans leave by 9:30 p.m.

4. All you want from groupies is a foot massage and back rub.

5. You love taking the elevator because you can sing along with most of your playlist.

6. Instead of a fifth member, your band wants to spring for a roadie.

7. You don't know (or care) who any of the new bands are.

8. You need your glasses to see the amp settings.

9. You've dislocated your back jumping off the stage.

10. You feel like hell before the gig even starts.

11. One of the waitresses is your daughter.

12. You stop the set because your Ibuprofen fell behind the speakers.

13. Most of your crowd just sways in their seats.

14. You find your drink tokens from last month's gig in your guitar case.

15. You refuse to play without earplugs.

16. You ask the club owner if you can start at 8:30 instead of 9:30.

17. You check the TV schedule before booking a gig.

18. Your gig stool has a back.

19. You're related to at least one member in the band.

20. You don't let anyone sit in.

21. You need a nap before the gig.

22. After the third set, you bug the club owner to let you quit early.

23. During the breaks, you go to the van to lie down.

24. You prefer a music stand with a light.

25. You don't recover from a Saturday night gig until Tuesday afternoon.

26. You hope the host's speech lasts forever.....

27. You buy amps considering their weight, not tone or cool factor.

28. Feeling guilty looking at hot women at the bar becaus they're younger than your daughter.

29. You can remember seven different club names for the same location ...

30. You have a hazy memory of the days when you could work 10 gigs in 7 days and could physically do it

31. Your set list is danceable.

32. You think "homey" means cozy and warm

33. You have to look over your glasses to check your PA connections

34. You're playing the same venue in three months and you ask the club owner if you can leave your amp!

35. Most of the band members are a lot younger then you.

36. Your son is waiting for the gig to end to drive you and your stuff home, then go back out and party...

37. Your date couldn't make it because she couldn't find a sitter for the grandkids...

38. In consideration of your age, the audience requests some British invasion.

39. On all out of town gigs, you draw straws to see who the driver will be coming home.

40. You start listing your truss as a "business expense".

41. You forget to take your Flowmax so all sets that night are only 15 minutes long.

42. When you get a "Cease and Desist" letter from the Spandex Co.

43. When you play 2 nights in a row, and the next day, your body aches like you played in the Super Bowl!

44. Or .. you play a Wednesday night gig and call into work sick on Thursday and Friday..

45. When the only "Stones" you care about are in your gallbladder or kidney.

46. You have to charge extra money if there are any steps to climb.

47. Your hearing has deteriorated so badly that you actually ask the guitar player to "turn up".

48. You call out the next song only to have someone remind you that played it 10 minutes earlier.

49. Your drugs are keeping you alive, rather than killing you.

50. You worry more about breaking a hip, than being hip.

52. Musicians half your age are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame or have appeared on postage stamps.

53. The only white powder to be found amongst the band members, is foot talc.

54. You look at the song list you provide to clients and realize the last song you entered under your "top 40" category is Disco Inferno.


1 comment:

A. said...

My husband is not going to appreciate when I forward this to him...so thank you for posting it!