Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Nightmares and Scapegoats

Sorry Stephen King, I had a weird dream I wanted to share.

Last night I had a bad dream. Now I won't call it a nightmare because it wasn't one I woke up bathed in sweat muttering the two scariest words any person can say on my lips...

"President Biden."

Nope, nothing anything like that. What I had was jsut a plain old bad dream about a job I no longer have. Yep I dreamed I was fielding tech support calls last night.

I know, weird huh?

Dreams about work happen to me from time to time when I have a big project or have a lot of pressure on me. I once even tried to push THE WIFE out of our bed in my sleep induced stupor as I dreamed she was sleeping on a concrete foundation I was trying to finish. (Honestly I can blame that one on another guy who told me HE had that dream, then I promptly had it. CURSE YOU CHUCK!) Before last night I had NEVER, EVERhad a dream about a former job (that I can think of at this moment so just go along with me on my astonishment OK?).

It began with some kind of back story which I will equate to an HR benefits meeting. Lots of "Yeah yeah" nodding and change of leadership. What it all boils down to was I was back in tech support fielding calls. I happened to get an after hours call right before we were supposed to start work. The genius I got on the line immediated ticked me off.

me: "... Ugh.... Hello, PHONECO..."
him: "Oh hey man, I'm calling on issue number ID10T Roger Roger Pappa Hotel Juliet Puppy."
me: "OK, so what's going on?"
him: "Sure hang on one sec, I have to drop these other lines before someone else answers."
me: "What are you talking about?"
him: "Well I made sever calls in so I could get answered quicker. You were the first one to pick up."
me: "WHAT? How many calls did you make?"
him: "I don't know, three or four. Why?"
me: "Because you are killing our Grade Of Service! That rates as three abandonded calls! That costs us money! Don't do that!"

Side note to people who have never worked call centers. One of the terms you hear in a call center is "Grade of Service." This is how many calls you take, how quickly they are answered and how many callers hang up before ever getting answered. Many places bas pay or bonuses on Grade of Service. It is also used to indicate how well, or poor you are doing and in today's economy determines whether your department keeps the current employees or not.

him: "Oh, OK. So anyway, I'm working on a blahblahblahyaddayadda."
me: "OK, what PBX is it connected to?"
him: "Why? No one has ever needed to know before? What's it matter?"
me: "What's it matter? Because how you program it is based on what you connect to!"

Anyway, so obviously it was technical bullcrap after this point. let's just say it ended with me threatening to call his boss, him threatening to call his boss and me like totally bluffing like crap because I knew I would be skewered alive when he called my boss.

Whatever. Today I am grumpy, but normal.

him: "O

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