Monday, November 05, 2007

Road Blogging

You all will notice some oddball posts (more odd than usual that is as I am on the road this week in lovely Virginia. I don’t mind too terribly being on the road, but it really disrupts my family, so I will use this to also remove a lot of the glamor of the life of a “Road Warrior.”

Observation Number One – DFW can be very, very, very crowded. I was not particularly pleased when I checked in at the ticket counter and proceeded to security to get screened and found the line backed up around the corner and down the walkway to the next section of Terminal A.

As I stood mouth agape and pondering if arriving two hours early was enough time to catch my flight, I heard an ever so helpful security screener call out, “No waiting at Gate A-12.”

Bingo. All the patrons of Terminal A were treated to the sight of a fat guy in glasses trotting at a brisk pace to gate A-12 with his Mullet blowing in the breeze. I am not stupid, I know security runs about 50% on accuracy as far as the wait time, but I figured it was worth a shot.

Lucky me I arrive at A-12 and find a very short wait and pulling my driver’s license out I fall into line behind a tall bald fellow. With the short wait I am in a very chipper mood and begin to think “What a nice day.”

It’s such a nice day I don’t even get annoyed when the nice bald man has some confusion over his driver’s license and ticket having different names (I guess maybe one of them had his maiden name). I even try to joke with an obviously harried mom who is trying to get her stress bomb four year old through security.

(Note to self, Commit crime, get thrown in Federal prison with Richard Reed so I can punch that moron in the nose.)

Observation Number Two – Dear Mister Guy Talking On The Cell Phone In The Bathroom, we can hear you.

All of us. You are not invisible (or inaudible) as you have the argument on the cell phone with your kid on the other end of the line. Honestly, I felt as uncomfortable as the time I asked Alec Baldwin to babysit.

Observation Number Three - One of the flight attendants looked a lot like Divine from the movie "Hairspray."

Color me afraid.

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